Shot Down in the “Friend Zone”

Everything was going great with that blonde in Sociology. You thought you were definitely in when you started joking around with her on the first day of class about the plural of the word syllabus: ‘Is it syllabi or syllabuseseseses?’That’s air-tight.

Things progressed along nicely for the next few weeks. She opened up to you about how her dog was killed in a freak badmitton accident. Another senseless death dealt by the shuttle cock. You told her about your fear of snakes. ‘It’s not so much that they bite, but that they move without legs.’ And then right when you were sure she was into you, WAM!, she extends an invitation to girls’ night (‘You know, we’ll just have some sangria, throw in The Notebook and have a good cry’). Next, she asks you to hook her up with your buddy. Way to go, bro: You’ve ended up in The Friend Zone.

So, where did you go wrong? How do you end up watching Sex in the City instead of having some? How did you go from trying to get in her pants to helping her shop for pants? It may have been a few simple mistakes that sent you to platonic hell.

In order to avoid The Friend Zone, you have to make it apparent that you are interested in her. It can be as simple as just a little middle-school flirting. Drop a few sexual innuendos without sounding like Uncle Jesse on a drinking binge. Invite her to a social event. And don’t just meet her there (friends meet places); take her there. Throw in a strategically placed ‘innocent’ skin-to-skin contact (that doesn’t mean play the motorboats), and she will get the hint.

One of the most important things to remember is not to wait too long to make a move. After the first couple of opportunities pass without an attempt, girls will start to push you to the friend zone. Generally, if you blow it twice, you may not get a third chance. So take some initiative and go in for a kiss relatively early. If she has been laughing with you, and you don’t look like Dildo Baggins, chances are she will not turn you down. And if she does, you were going to end up in the friend zone, anyway. The only difference is, now that zone is a little awkward. Still, you have nothing to lose.

It boils down to letting the girl know where you stand, either by saying it or showing it. A little affection goes a long way in this situation, so get your flirt on. If you don’t, you’ll end up at home in the fetal position sobbing to ‘endless love’ while she is out on a date with that guy who always yells ‘COLLEGE!’ Yeah, that’s right: You lost out to that guy.

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