Beer Olympics: Guide to the Ultimate College Competition

Olympism is a philosophy of life, exalting and combining in a balanced whole the qualities of body, will and mind. Blending sport with culture and education, Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy found in effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles.” (citation ^1).

There are no better words to describe the art form which combines the two greatest “ism’s”…..athleticism and alcoholism. Beer Olympics combines the dizzy bat, beer pong, flip cup, quarters, darts, a form of chugging and anything else you have room to conjure up to create the ultimate college competition. I’m sure every version of Beer Olympics is personalized for each group, having to take into mind the amount of players (of course including a scale of their athleticism and alcoholism), area of the playing ground, resources (tables, dartboards, funnels, Designated Barfing Area or DBA and so on. Follow these upcoming steps and you will be having one of the best nights of your life, or possibly end up passed out naked in a swamp of puke in the DBA with ball sacks drawn all over your face.

The rules are simple, the rounds get harder, and team unity is a must. Follow me as I attempt to take a trip down memory lane.

Teams: The preferred team is 5 vs 5. but can be pulled off quite sweetly with 6 vs 6 and even up to 10 vs 10. Picking the teams have to be fair. By this time fellas, you know who your strong athletes are and who the strong alcoholics are, when choosing teammates, go for the happy medium. If you are playing with the weaker sex, make sure they are evenly distributed and at a location in the line up that allows other players to make up for their lack of talent. You also might wanna have your strongest player last, and make sure they have that mindset of Optimus Prime and are ready to kick a**.

Uniforms: Trust me you are going to want to wear uniforms. They don’t even have to laugh, but after you make 20 beers evaporate in 4 minutes; seeing your friends dressed up and looking like a clown makes shit really funny.

The Game: You want to start with the Winter Olympics. This is because people are slowly learning and it shouldn’t be taken all that seriously much like the real Winter Olympics. After the first round move to Spring Olympics, followed by Summer, and finishing up with Special Olympics. Start with 2 players of different teams in an open room, both with bat or pole in hand, and spin 10 times. Right now you’re thinking how the f*** will I be able to spin 10 times during Special Olympics. The answer is you’re probably not but you will love watching your friends try. (Always have a medic on hand). After tearing through dizzy bat, run into an open room and start shooting beer pong balls into cups. Just fill 3 cups with water and put in the shape of a triangle. Have a full beer next to the table and be drinking that while you are slamming your cups. Once you have nailed all your cups, make sure your beer cup is finished and move to the flip cup table. Once here its in your best option to go one and done and get the hell outta there. After flip cup run into another room to a table with a shot glass filled with your choice of liquor and a couple quarters. Slam the quarters off the table into the shot and throw it down like Mark Madson would. Time for the next room where we liked to keep the dart board. This tends to get dangerous because those darts are sharp and you get into it and reach for darts already on the board while others are still shooting, just be careful. Bang out 2 darts within the inner circle and move onto the next stage. Now its time for what everyone is looking forward to, THE FUNNEL. Have a teammate armed with it and chug chug chug until its gone. Finally tag off and watch your asshole teammates try to win it. Once finished, take a breather, smoke em if you got em, and get ready for another round

These are a few steps to one of the greatest games of all time. All games can be modified, and rules can be changed. Teamwork is huge in Beer Olympics. What do you think this website would just put the directions on how to play a game on here just so you can try it and get so drunk you dont remember your dogs name? It’s about the comradery dammit, without it, what the hell are we living for.

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^1 Olympic Charter, Fundamental principles, paragraph 2

3 thoughts on “Beer Olympics: Guide to the Ultimate College Competition”

  1. This sounds like a really good time! My frat is organizing a similar marathon this summer, we're expecting a pretty big turnout. The winner gets to pick out the new beer pong table design for our next year's event.

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