Chris Sullivan: A Lifetime of Injuries


Comparing scars and talking about how we got hurt is part of our male ego. The more disgusting the story, the harder people cringe, and the closest people come to puking are the best ways to measure the success of an injury. My injuries may not rank that high on the national scale of manliness, but a couple are sure to send shivers up your spine. First we’ll get into cuts, the breaks, then my worst injury which still makes me wanna puke.

I’ve had about 900 stitches in my illustrious 23 years. The most terrifying injury I’ve ever had isn’t nearly the worst. It happened when I was in 5th grade out in the woods with a couple of my friends. We were off adventuring and looking at the Playboy’s we had previously stashed there that I stole from my dad. We came across a barbwire fence in our way, and of course it was just another obstacle in our way. My 2 friends made it over basically unharmed, and it was now my turn to join them. I got up the 6 foot fence, lost my footing and fell over landing on my head. Luckily I still had my bicycle helmet on to brace my fall. Once i got up I felt a pain in my leg and looked down, blood was flowing down my leg like an erupting volcano. A jagged wire caught a chunk of skin on my inner thigh, approximately 2 inches away my nuts. This is clearly why it was a horrible experience, as I look back I could have lost my jewels before I even knew what it was. I wrapped it with my shirt, and started the walk home to have my parents assess the damage. As we cleaned the giant hole in my leg we saw some pretty sick shit. I saw the muscles in my leg pumping, exploded veins, and tissue in the wrong places. Twenty-three stitches on the inside to close up some damage and 18 to close the outside. Needless to say I was the pimp of my elementary school the next day as rumor spread.

If you’re a guy who played sports its likely you have broken a couple bones. My worst break was my collar bone. It happened when I was on my way into 7th grade playing in an ice hockey summer league. I was checked from behind in the corner and went head first into the boards. My shoulder caught the ledge where the boards end and the glass begins. I got up and new something wasn’t right. The whistle blew dead and the punk bitch that played me got a 10 minute major. I skated to the bench and tried lifting my arm…and nothing. Once we got to the hospital they knew i was effed up and got some x-rays. The results showed a completely snapped clavicle. The most painful part of the night was when they set my shoulder in some strap set up they have over there at the medical center. 8 weeks later I was in tip top condition and ready to find that f**k that snaked me. I still see the scrawny bastard to this day and he claims to not remember it.

My best injury happened my sophomore year of high school. I was playing basketball in my backyard and the hoop had a chain linked net. For some reason I got a thrill from setting up an aerobic trampoline or bench and throwing down. I ran and went for a windmill dunk and shorted the jump by a few inches. All i remember is hearing a pop. I came down and looked at my hand, and my finger was hanging off, attached to only the skin. The chain link ripped through my ring finger like a knife through butter. My finger was clearly broke and I ran inside to get ma dukes to take me to the hospital. I started loosing a good amount of blood and was getting a little sloppy. Once i got to the hospital I passed out in the emergency room. When I woke up my hand was killing me and was wrapped up. The surgeons had just fingered putting my finger back together. I destroyed all the nerves so I will never have feeling in the ring finger again. The injury sidelined me for about 12 weeks. You wouldn’t think that just f***ing up your finger would take that long to recover but this apparently was no joke. That was my best injury and the best story i have for you. The scar still provides the “yikes” factor and the story always gets people feeling bad.

Injuries are great. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Think back on what has happened to you, it might have hurt then, but now its just a great way to prove how tough you are, Alpha Male.

4 thoughts on “Chris Sullivan: A Lifetime of Injuries”

  1. Chris Sullivan

    or the time i tried the sonic masterbation technique and made 4 layers of cock skin evaporate

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