Edward Fortyhands

Johnny Depp’s influence on the collegiate culture stems farther than just posters of Captain Jack Sparrow or the one where he’s smoking a cigarette on a piano.

He’s even infiltrated binge drinking.

It’s called Edward Fortyhands, and if you’re at all familiar with Depp’s work in Edward Scissorhands well then I’ve already pointed out the connection. If you haven’t taken a shot at completing the wondrous feat that is ductaping bottles of malt liquor to your hands well than you haven’t lived at all mate. Those who are unfamiliar with the “game” it’s real easy:

Step 1: Buy two “forties” of alcohol for each contestant. (Preferably malted, something along the lines of Colt 45 or old English- competing with forties of Coors Light isn’t very Fortyhands-like, in fact it’s downright What’s Eating Gilbert Grape-like).

Step 2: Have a DD (Designated Doesn’t want to have fun person) tape a forty to each hand using duct tape and holding your arms down as the initial pain of the constant cold bottle on your skin makes you yelp like a Yahoo! commercial.

Step 3: Commence drinking. It’s called Edward Fortyhands because you now have come to notice what it’s like to have massive inanimate objects as hands, and while the feeling is fun it is frustrating at the urinal. Careful planning and execution is needed in order to go the distance as your hands cannot be freed until both brown-baggin’-it bottles are finished. Notice the bottom half of them getting warmer and warmer, this is normal and it means you should go on living your life with the name Nancy.

Step 4: Finish drinking both bottles and tear yourself free from the tape (instantaneously giving your hands a wax). You’ve completed the journey that is Edward Fortyhands, and it’s time to celebrate with some good old fashioned rough housing, snow angels in your boxers, and stealing things on campus like you’re Winona Rider. Go crazy kid, you’ve earned it.

Top off the blackout night with the Captain- both Morgan and Jack accepted.

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Jim Kelly can be reached at JimKellyJr@gmail.com.

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