Roommate Torture Tactics

Note to freshman: When living with a roommate, torture tactics allow you to claim the spot as top dog in the living arrangement.

They also allow for a valuable bonding experience as your roommate tries to laugh off the fear, confusion and, at times, utter anger he will be confronted with when you use one of the techniques below. I must say use them sparingly and watch your back because once the bridge is crosses and implement one of these tactics you are open for retaliation.

Pillowcase Mouse

Secure a mouse at the local pet shop and staple it inside your target’s pillowcase. He gets home, hits the sack, then feels something crawling beneath his drool puddle. “With this one, you’re hoping for a scream, and maybe nightmares for the rest of the semester,â€? Austin says. “The survival rate of the mouse is probably about 50-50 here, but it’s destined for a snake belly anyway.â€?

No. 2 Forever

Pull socks over two rolls of newspaper and stuff them into a pair of old boots. Set them up in a toilet stall and lock the door from the inside. “People look only briefly to see if someone is in there,â€? Austin says. “They’ll see legs and think someone is crapping. It’s simple, but he who rules the bathroom rules the world.â€? And always has an open trapper awaiting him.

Dixie Surprise

Armed with hundreds of Dixie cups, infiltrate the room of a floormate who’s out for the night. Starting from the back and finishing at the door, blanket the floor with cups, each filled with a bit of water. “Enhance the prank by stapling the cups together as you go,â€? Austin says. “This makes it impossible to clean up. When your victim comes home half wasted, he’ll trip over them.â€?

Bike Lockdown

Slashing tires is JV. Using your own chain to lock up all the bikes on a bike rack is genius. “A person will kick his tires and strangle the bike in frustration,â€? Austin says. “After a while, he’ll give up and start walking to his next class, and you know he’s going to be 10 minutes late. This prank is like gluing change to the sidewalk—you get multiple victims throughout the day.â€?

Check out the other torture tactics here: FHM Torture Your Roomie

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