Anyone for a Sexist Lunch?!?!?…

Who wants to read something sexist?!?!! I do! I do! This article by John Gugie gives us the “Top 10 Ways Men Are Better Than Women.” Enjoy!

This one is for the ladies. To any who oppose me, I say “JUST BRING IT!” I love the smell of sexist controversy in the morning, don’t you? To all of the meninists out there, ROCK ON! Let’s all sing that song by the late, great James Brown, “It’s a Man’s World,” before we begin.

1) Men Pee Standing Up (usually)

This is a great thing if you really think about it. We can just unzip and pee wherever we want to without a mess. Well, there is the little shake off at the end, but that is a small price to pay for not having to undress a quarter of the way, wipe the toilet seat off before using it, and wiping clean. It’s a whole ritual that men do not need to do. Don’t even get me started on women peeing outside; it’s quite a mess!

Now, we can pee sitting down but it involves a bit of contortion. Oh, and did I mention that we can also draw designs with our pee. It’s true, when bored, we can move the stream of our pee back and forth in designs. It’s quite an art form; one which women just cannot do. Be jealous, ladies!

2) Men Do Not Wear Make-up (usually)

This is another great advantage! It saves us abundant amount of time to pretty ourselves up to prepare us for the world’s viewing. It also saves us tons and tons of money; make-up is expensive! Some men do wear it but it takes a special kind of man for that.

3) Men Do Not Need Expensive Fashion Clothes or 20 pairs of Shoes (usually)

This is similar to reason #3 above. It saves us abundant amount of time to get us to get dressed. We just need our underwear (if we choose to), jeans, a t-shirt, socks (optional), and sneakers. Voila! No fancy clothes, no arguing about which matches what, and no big decisions. We just toss it on and go! It also saves us tons of money. Some men do wear more matching clothes and still others do wear dresses, etc.

4) Men Are Taller (usually)

A quite simple one really. We can reach more things higher up, like in stores with its higher shelves. Of course, there are taller women like in Australia, where women average 5’8″+. But anyone will tell you that any race of women can’t jump…as high as men!

5) Men Are Stronger (usually)

This is similar to #4 above. We are generally physically stronger than women. We can lift things they cannot and do nifty things, such as open jars easier. There are a few women that are as strong as or stronger than some men, like the female pro wrestler, Chyna.

6) Men Do Not Worry About How They Look

We do not stare at ourselves in mirrors for hours just to spot a blemish or wrinkle. We don’t worry about getting old; well, most of us don’t. Women hit thirty and they whine about their age and starting lying. Not men! Nosiree, Bob! When asked our age, we just answer without a thought. In the military, when asked our name, rank, age, we just spit it out. We don’t stand there and say, “Mary Jane, Lt. Captain, uh 28, Sir!” Also, we don’t sit around worrying if our butts are too big and we certainly talk to other men with beers and say stuff like, “Did you see Bill’s butt? My God, it has gotten so big! I’m glad I’ve still kept my youthful appearance! Hahaha!”

7) Men Are Better Cooks

Contrary to popular opinion that women are better cooks than men, who are the biggest, most famous chefs? Men! We have Graham Kerr, Emeril, Wolfgang Puck, and many more. Heck, even pro wrestler, Ric Flair, was a chef. Women are trying to catch up with Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray, but cooking is still very much a man’s world! Who do you think invented such staples as hot dogs, pizza, hamburgers, sandwiches, chili, beef jerky, and peanut butter? Men!

8) Men Have Fewer Orgasms

Aha, I know women are asking themselves, how is this an advantage? Simple! We have one, rarely two, orgasms and we’re done! Sex is forgotten and back to work we go! Not like women who have one orgasm and keep wanting more and more. Then women want to cuddle afterwards. I tell you, it’s a total waste of time! We just blast away and forget it. Ten minutes and we can work for the rest of the day.

9) Men Do Not Get Monthly Visits from Aunt Flo

This is one of the best ways that we are better than women. We do not get extra cranky three or more days per month and get cramps, headaches, or fits of rage without reason. We also do not need to buy tampons or any of those yucky things designated as feminine hygiene products.

10) Men Do Not Get Pregnant

This is THE number one way that we are better than women. We do not get pregnant! Woohoo! Yay men! ‘nuf said, here’s a cigar!

Just so the ladies (the real ones) know there are no hard feelings, be sure to check out my upcoming sister article, “Top 10 Ways Women are Better than Men.”

From: Top 10 Ways Men Are Better Than WomenBy John Gugie

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