Me and VH1 Have a Soft Spot for Soft Rock

“Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for
I can’t help it – there’s nothin’ I want more
Ya know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for youâ€?

Oh Bryan, how many times have I secretly turned that song up in the car, letting that raspy voice of yours lull me into a romantic haze? You’re my secret boyfriend. And that song you sing with Sting (my other secret boyfriend) and Rod Stewart (who I don’t want to be my boyfriend at all) where you all urge me to make it “all for one and all for loveâ€? has the ability to transport me out of my cynical cloud for two whole minutes.

I’m not ashamed of my secret soft spot for soft rock. I’m not embarrassed that whenever a Backstreet Boys ballad mysterious turns up on my iTunes, I let it play out entirely, soaking up every syrupy sound wave. In this complicated world, soft rock is there to pretend things are simple. Love is love, heartbreak is heartbreak, and everyone is willing to die for a lifetime with their soul mate. After weekends full of “hey baby, why don’t me and you go into the bathroom and make out?â€?, it’s always nice to know Phil Collins is there, waiting to tell me he “can’t stop loving meâ€? as many times as I feel like replaying the track.

VH1 knows what I’m talking about. Their newest special, entitled 40 Most Softsational Soft Rock Songs (playing tonight at 9PM EST and probably every day afterwards), promises to “indulge in sax-heavy, irony-free classics from the likes of Lionel Richie, Bread, Captain & Tennille, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Phil Collins, Norah Jones, Gordon Lightfoot, Kenny Loggins, Chicago, Mr. Michael Bolton, and dozens of other gentle giantsâ€?.

So tonight, instead of going out and letting weird dudes touch your ass, curl up on the couch, light those scented candles you bought but have never lit because nothing romantic enough has happened, and indulge in a little vintage Whitney.

Need a little help making a sappy soft rock playlist? Here are some of my favorites.

• I Want To Know What Love Is – Foriegner
Foriegner really wants to know what love is. You can tell how badly by lead singer Lou Gramm’s incredibly high falsetto yells.

• Keep on Loving You – REO Speedwagon
His chick cheated on him, he knows about it, but he still wants to spend his life loving her. What adorable stupidity.

• Another Day in Paradise – Phil Collins
A song about the homeless with a crazily catchy hook. See if you can listen to it all the way through without wanting to find a kid in a poor country to spend 10 cents a day on.

• Broken Wings – Mr. Mister
He’s so desperate he’s turned to a bird analogy. Killer.

• I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston
Before she was weird and addicted to drugs, she could hold those power notes
like no other.

• I Want it That Way – Backstreet Boys
The lyrics make no sense. But who cares? You lip-synched to it in junior high, and it’s never gotten old.

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