Guide to Sleeping At Her Place

via AskMen

The Player often encounters a variety of obstacles in his travels, but one of the most common is also one of the most problematic: the sleepover. We typically focus on the science of the pickup, but here, we’ll assume that your skills and abilities have landed you an impressive score. Now you’re faced with an age-old conundrum — one that can be one of the most challenging tightropes to walk because you never want to risk your reputation, but at the same time, you can’t accept the depressing ties of monogamous confinement.

You’ve been out a few times, but this is the first time that she has invited you back to her place, and her intentions are abundantly clear. So what to do? You have secured that envious tigress for the evening, but the passion isn’t about to lessen and you’re not about to pass on the opportunity. Hence, the key is to maintain that chemistry while gently unwinding those invisible tendrils that threaten to ensnare your limbs.

Here, we’ll discuss sleeping at her place. You won’t be in a controlled environment, and considering that’s the case, you need to play by a completely different set of rules. In stark contrast to an evening at your place, you’ll be forced to adapt on the fly, which means you’ll need some reliable rules to consult when faced with unknown — and even combustible — circumstances. So, let’s get it on.


rule no. 1 – Don’t send the wrong signals

When you’re caught up in the brimming energy of that first night, it’s easy to let something slip, which could be completely irreversible. This goes beyond the classic and even cliché “I love youâ€? slip issued at the height of pleasure and misconstrued as a statement of immediate commitment. Obviously, you have too much control to let that happen, but do you have a handle on other, more subtle, slips? What about the next day? Does she want to make plans? Well, you don’t.

There won’t be any intimate breakfast in bed, there won’t be a 3 a.m. cuddling session complete with whispered sappiness, and, most importantly, you’re simply not sure when you’ll be able to see her again. Of course, you’ll make it abundantly clear that you do want to see her again, but cementing weekly plans immediately after sealing the deal is a giant no-no. The inherent implications of doing so should be painfully clear.

You needn’t take it to the cold shoulder level, and you should never pretend that the bedroom activities didn’t mean anything. Not only is that outrageously insulting, but gossip about that kind of behavior also tends to spread like wildfire through the female community. Spending the night may be a foregone conclusion, but holding is different from cuddling, and a hurried breakfast before work is different from a cute breakfast in bed (see rule no. 3). Also, mention that you might be free to meet for lunch next week — and that you can’t wait for that lunch meeting.


rule no. 2 – Romance sounds good… but it’s not

Far too many guys can’t differentiate between passion and romance, which is one of the biggest reasons they trip and fall on their way to becoming true Players. You’ve been out with this walking wet dream a couple of times, and you’ve managed to get those close-fitting clothes off for an even closer evening, but she obviously has romance on her mind. The impending sleepover at her place has caused her to hit a different gear with wine, candles and a fire in the hearth.There’s not much you can do in this situation (you can’t very well leave), but you can make a conscious effort to focus on the passion and attempt to override or counter the romantic edge. She has attempted to infuse the situation with something that implies “long-term,â€? so you don’t have much time to reverse the flow. Use a healthy helping of tips from rule No. 1 or attempt to formulate some excuses in advance from the last rule. It’s impossible to completely avoid romance during a sleepover, but it can’t be the focus.

By now, you should be able to tell the difference between lust and romance: A budding romance has the effect of a giant bottle of Wite-Out spilled all over your little black book.


rule no. 3 – Keep it fun

This one may be difficult if she has presented you with the environment outlined in rule No. 2, but if it’s a standard setting, give this a shot. Rather than diving into an all-night cuddle session, have your fun, laugh a little and be playful. Take some time out to watch a late-night movie, play some cards or start up a rigorous pillow fight — the idea is to do anything that doesn’t correspond to intimacy or overloaded romance. In this way, you’re simply applying another atmosphere to the evening without giving anything away. Even if she’s in a different sort of mood at the start, you can gently work your way toward a fun-filled romp that would never include heart-to-hearts or cuddling of any kind. Result? A great night, no misdirection or lies, and a preemptive position strike.

In other words, this has the two-pronged effect of both stabilizing a potentially volatile situation and preparing her for when you put rule No. 5 into effect. Perhaps best of all, this is the least risky of all the rules you’ll read in this article. If she’s having fun, one way or the other, how can that possibly be a bad thing?


rule no. 4 – Keep some things to yourself

While it’s true that the sleepover generally indicates the possibility of personal sharing, it’s best to create and maintain a little mystery. Not only will this insure your relative anonymity, but it also tends to appeal to most women. Granted, she’s not about to sleep with you if you’re a total stranger, and you shouldn’t shut her out completely, but you needn’t relate your life story. Yeah, you’re back at her place, but hey, that only means she should be offering juicy tidbits about her life. Conversations revolving around family, heavily emotional experiences (be they good or bad) or long-term goals (personal or professional), will only succeed in painting you into a corner. You can only take the 007-style mystique so far, so be careful about overplaying that card.

A little bit of mystery goes a long way during the art of the pickup, but for the sleepover, use a sprinkling rather than a heavy and elongated dose. You’ll be too close to be completely removed — so don’t bother to try.


rule no. 5 – Morning activities are out of the question

If you must stay the night, be prepared for a quick exit the following morning. Whip up an excuse — see the last rule — to avoid getting embroiled in the inevitably intimate morning routine. Breakfast will be the least of your worries if you can’t free yourself early on. No, it can go far beyond that.

You may consider the process of waking up in the morning as trivial and unimportant, but when you’re with someone, the situation changes entirely. You don’t simply wake up and roll out of bed. You wake up and she rolls into your arms for an adorable little cuddling stint. You don’t just wander into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. You drink out of each other’s cups while staring over the rim into each other’s eyes. And you don’t just step into the shower. You provide an opening for a cherished wash-each-other session straight out of some steamy B-movie. Now, that last part may sound appealing, but in the movies, it’s casual and non-committal. In real life, something like that is often exactly the opposite.

You’re treading a very dangerous path if you don’t hightail it out of there when the first ray of dawn breaks through the bedroom window.


rule no. 6 – Come prepared with an excuse rolodex

As per the previous tip, you’re going to need a substantial assembly of excuses sorted and ready to go before you embark on your evening of romance — oops, scratch that — passion. There are a number of excuses that can be used to extricate yourself from the morning proceedings before they even start. One of the most popular is the classic, “gotta get to work early today.â€? But that may not work if the day in question falls on a weekend (and it likely will). There are, however, more imaginative ways to get out of Dodge, for example: “I promised my buddy I’d pick him up at the airportâ€?; “I promised myself I’d clean my bathroom todayâ€?; or “I gotta go visit my folks — it’s my father’s birthday.â€? To soften the blow of leaving early, which no woman on this planet likes, you can toss in a big “butâ€? at the end of each excuse. Choose your favorite and then add, “but if I can get that out of the way, maybe we can get together later.â€?

And by the time “laterâ€? rolls around, whatever it is you’re doing will be taking longer than you had anticipated. See how this works? No hard feelings and no outward indications of a need for separation.
it’s a slumber party
Sleeping at her place is all about preparation and preemptive maneuvers. As you can see by these rules, it’s best to have a game plan beforehand, which means a spontaneous sleepover is extraordinarily dangerous. But even if this occurs, there are pieces of each rule that can be used to your advantage. It is, after all, possible to establish a workable foundation with limited time and materials.

If there’s one thing that you should take away from this article, it’s this: the sleepover at her place is wrought with potential complications and land mines, and even the tiniest slip can launch the relationship into a whole new stratosphere. You and I both know what this level is, and once you’ve walked through that door, there’s no turning back, but that’s a different topic for a different time. For now, let’s just say you should be extremely careful, aspiring Player.

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