The Player often encounters a variety of obstacles in his travels, but one of the most common is also one of the most problematic: the sleepover. We typically focus on the science of the pickup, but here, weâll assume that your skills and abilities have landed you an impressive score. Now youâre faced with an age-old conundrum — one that can be one of the most challenging tightropes to walk because you never want to risk your reputation, but at the same time, you canât accept the depressing ties of monogamous confinement.
Youâve been out a few times, but this is the first time that she has invited you back to her place, and her intentions are abundantly clear. So what to do? You have secured that envious tigress for the evening, but the passion isnât about to lessen and youâre not about to pass on the opportunity. Hence, the key is to maintain that chemistry while gently unwinding those invisible tendrils that threaten to ensnare your limbs.
Here, weâll discuss sleeping at her place. You wonât be in a controlled environment, and considering thatâs the case, you need to play by a completely different set of rules. In stark contrast to an evening at your place, youâll be forced to adapt on the fly, which means youâll need some reliable rules to consult when faced with unknown — and even combustible — circumstances. So, letâs get it on.
rule no. 1 – Donât send the wrong signals
When youâre caught up in the brimming energy of that first night, itâs easy to let something slip, which could be completely irreversible. This goes beyond the classic and even cliché âI love youâ? slip issued at the height of pleasure and misconstrued as a statement of immediate commitment. Obviously, you have too much control to let that happen, but do you have a handle on other, more subtle, slips? What about the next day? Does she want to make plans? Well, you donât.
There wonât be any intimate breakfast in bed, there wonât be a 3 a.m. cuddling session complete with whispered sappiness, and, most importantly, youâre simply not sure when youâll be able to see her again. Of course, youâll make it abundantly clear that you do want to see her again, but cementing weekly plans immediately after sealing the deal is a giant no-no. The inherent implications of doing so should be painfully clear.
You neednât take it to the cold shoulder level, and you should never pretend that the bedroom activities didnât mean anything. Not only is that outrageously insulting, but gossip about that kind of behavior also tends to spread like wildfire through the female community. Spending the night may be a foregone conclusion, but holding is different from cuddling, and a hurried breakfast before work is different from a cute breakfast in bed (see rule no. 3). Also, mention that you might be free to meet for lunch next week — and that you canât wait for that lunch meeting.
rule no. 2 – Romance sounds good⦠but itâs not
Far too many guys canât differentiate between passion and romance, which is one of the biggest reasons they trip and fall on their way to becoming true Players. Youâve been out with this walking wet dream a couple of times, and youâve managed to get those close-fitting clothes off for an even closer evening, but she obviously has romance on her mind. The impending sleepover at her place has caused her to hit a different gear with wine, candles and a fire in the hearth.Thereâs not much you can do in this situation (you canât very well leave), but you can make a conscious effort to focus on the passion and attempt to override or counter the romantic edge. She has attempted to infuse the situation with something that implies âlong-term,â? so you donât have much time to reverse the flow. Use a healthy helping of tips from rule No. 1 or attempt to formulate some excuses in advance from the last rule. Itâs impossible to completely avoid romance during a sleepover, but it canât be the focus.
By now, you should be able to tell the difference between lust and romance: A budding romance has the effect of a giant bottle of Wite-Out spilled all over your little black book.
rule no. 3 – Keep it fun
This one may be difficult if she has presented you with the environment outlined in rule No. 2, but if itâs a standard setting, give this a shot. Rather than diving into an all-night cuddle session, have your fun, laugh a little and be playful. Take some time out to watch a late-night movie, play some cards or start up a rigorous pillow fight — the idea is to do anything that doesnât correspond to intimacy or overloaded romance. In this way, youâre simply applying another atmosphere to the evening without giving anything away. Even if sheâs in a different sort of mood at the start, you can gently work your way toward a fun-filled romp that would never include heart-to-hearts or cuddling of any kind. Result? A great night, no misdirection or lies, and a preemptive position strike.
In other words, this has the two-pronged effect of both stabilizing a potentially volatile situation and preparing her for when you put rule No. 5 into effect. Perhaps best of all, this is the least risky of all the rules youâll read in this article. If sheâs having fun, one way or the other, how can that possibly be a bad thing?
rule no. 4 – Keep some things to yourself
While itâs true that the sleepover generally indicates the possibility of personal sharing, itâs best to create and maintain a little mystery. Not only will this insure your relative anonymity, but it also tends to appeal to most women. Granted, sheâs not about to sleep with you if youâre a total stranger, and you shouldnât shut her out completely, but you neednât relate your life story. Yeah, youâre back at her place, but hey, that only means she should be offering juicy tidbits about her life. Conversations revolving around family, heavily emotional experiences (be they good or bad) or long-term goals (personal or professional), will only succeed in painting you into a corner. You can only take the 007-style mystique so far, so be careful about overplaying that card.
A little bit of mystery goes a long way during the art of the pickup, but for the sleepover, use a sprinkling rather than a heavy and elongated dose. Youâll be too close to be completely removed — so donât bother to try.
rule no. 5 – Morning activities are out of the question
If you must stay the night, be prepared for a quick exit the following morning. Whip up an excuse — see the last rule — to avoid getting embroiled in the inevitably intimate morning routine. Breakfast will be the least of your worries if you canât free yourself early on. No, it can go far beyond that.
You may consider the process of waking up in the morning as trivial and unimportant, but when youâre with someone, the situation changes entirely. You donât simply wake up and roll out of bed. You wake up and she rolls into your arms for an adorable little cuddling stint. You donât just wander into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. You drink out of each otherâs cups while staring over the rim into each otherâs eyes. And you donât just step into the shower. You provide an opening for a cherished wash-each-other session straight out of some steamy B-movie. Now, that last part may sound appealing, but in the movies, itâs casual and non-committal. In real life, something like that is often exactly the opposite.
Youâre treading a very dangerous path if you donât hightail it out of there when the first ray of dawn breaks through the bedroom window.
rule no. 6 – Come prepared with an excuse rolodex
As per the previous tip, youâre going to need a substantial assembly of excuses sorted and ready to go before you embark on your evening of romance — oops, scratch that — passion. There are a number of excuses that can be used to extricate yourself from the morning proceedings before they even start. One of the most popular is the classic, âgotta get to work early today.â? But that may not work if the day in question falls on a weekend (and it likely will). There are, however, more imaginative ways to get out of Dodge, for example: âI promised my buddy Iâd pick him up at the airportâ?; âI promised myself Iâd clean my bathroom todayâ?; or âI gotta go visit my folks — itâs my fatherâs birthday.â? To soften the blow of leaving early, which no woman on this planet likes, you can toss in a big âbutâ? at the end of each excuse. Choose your favorite and then add, âbut if I can get that out of the way, maybe we can get together later.â?
And by the time âlaterâ? rolls around, whatever it is youâre doing will be taking longer than you had anticipated. See how this works? No hard feelings and no outward indications of a need for separation.
itâs a slumber party
Sleeping at her place is all about preparation and preemptive maneuvers. As you can see by these rules, itâs best to have a game plan beforehand, which means a spontaneous sleepover is extraordinarily dangerous. But even if this occurs, there are pieces of each rule that can be used to your advantage. It is, after all, possible to establish a workable foundation with limited time and materials.
If thereâs one thing that you should take away from this article, itâs this: the sleepover at her place is wrought with potential complications and land mines, and even the tiniest slip can launch the relationship into a whole new stratosphere. You and I both know what this level is, and once youâve walked through that door, thereâs no turning back, but thatâs a different topic for a different time. For now, letâs just say you should be extremely careful, aspiring Player.
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