Guys like Alex Rodriguez and Shaquille O’Neal make loads of cash for kicking ass at sports. But what about the little guys – the sad sacks of sh*t that have to mop up sh*t for a living right next to million-dollar athletes? It’s time to honor them with The 10 Worst Jobs in Sports.
10. NHL Ice-Cleaner
No, we’re not talking about a Zamboni driver. That would be on the list of coolest sports jobs. This is the guy who has to scoop up the octopi and hats off the ice during NHL games. Try not to slip on those tentacles on national TV!
9. International Soccer Ref
These guys play crucial roles in the most popular sport on the planet. And if fans disagree with their calls, which happens quite often, they get death threats, cars driven onto the pitch and much worse. One ref got the ever-loving sh*t beat out of him for yellow-carding a local hero.
8. NBA Water Boy
Here, Kobe…take some water. No? You sure? Please Kobe, take some. Please. You can rape my sister? She works in Colorado – she’s cute. Talk about a thankless job. Most guys pretend you don’t even exist. And even if they take the cup of water, they don’t look at you.
7. NFL Sideline Worker
How cool would it be to get to be on an NFL sideline during an actual game? Pretty nice, as long as you didn’t get run over by a 320-lb. lineman in pads. A concussion is a real possibility every time they go to the office.
6. Tennis Line Judge
Not only do you have to sit for hours on end with your back in a hunch position (chiropractor, anyone?), but you never get any positive feedback. Fans and players are always yelling at you. Now, it even looks like computers might eventually take away your job completely, don’t worry you can always build cars in Detroit – they have an awesome union and the only people left on the globe with a pension.
5. Sparring Partner
You spend all day knowing you are walking into the ring with a guy who’s expected to kick the crap out of you. And then he does. Plus, he’s the one who’s going to make millions while you get a broken nose.
4. Horse Groomer
There’s very little glory in working in horse racing these days, and you can bet the guy who cleans out the stalls and shovels the manure isn’t being interviewed on national television. Worse yet, just imagine if your office smelled like that.
3. Spit-Bucket Holder
We’ve all seen this guy. After a star boxer gets bloodied, he spits his insides into a bucket at ringside. You hope every day that the boxer who can only see out of one eye has enough aim left to hit the bottom of the bucket. Don’t get me wrong, Paulie made it look cool in Rocky – but if that isn’t motivation to stay in school, I don’t know what is.
2. Baseball Dugout Janitor
Ever watch a baseball game when they cut to the dugout? The chewing tobacco, snot rockets, empty paper cups, sunflower seeds and gum fly around like it’s a rainstorm in there. Whoever has the guts to clean up that thing needs a hug. Even Mike Rowe is like F*CK THAT!
1. Urine Test Collector
How do you explain to your parents that, after years of doing research, you now follow athletes into a bathroom while they pee in front of you? Sure, someone has to do it, but really? You have to guess that the peeps who KNOW they are going to fail dribble off the side just to be douchebags.