The night began with me running around to find my corporate AMEX, because f#$k knows I don’t have $50 to watch this – but I prevailed, and wound up using my girlfriend’s father’s credit card. Thank you Mr. Dreyfus…you…you’re a keeper!
So Joe Rogan and the other dude love to hear themselves talk, we are just a captive audience for them rambling. That blows, because I would have rather watched the prelim fights. Let’s begin the recap for those of you who don’t have girlfriends that carry around daddy’s credit card:
Kalib Starnes was on the receiving end of a beating. Alan Belcher was a little too much of a punk in the way he skipped and juked around the ring, but his Muay Thai was retarded. Kalib Starnes got more knees to the head than any man should have to endure. The best part came when Belcher kneed Starnes to the head and opened a 4 inch, skull deep gash into his forehead. Dude…this is a quote from the doctor, “Fella, I can see your skull.” The ref stopped the fight, but Kalib was done. The doctor asked him, “Can you see?” Bitch-boy replies, “Not when the blood is in my eye.” Kalib, brother…if you are in a fight and you WANT to keep going – your answer to that question should be, “Yes!” Whatever, Starnes lost and I got to see a human skull, in use.
The Bonner-Schafer fight was gay. They grab assed for a little bit and then Bonner got on top and just punched this kid until the ref stopped it. Even Bonner was like, “Eh…that was gay.”
Jorge Gurgel got the absolute and utter sh*t beat out of him. Really. Think of a fight when a bully picked on someone half of his size. Now pay $50 to watch it in HD – that sums up the Gurgel-Robinson fight. I would say something about Robinson, but I have never f***ing heard of him before.
Ok…Brandon Vera vs. Tim Sylvia…Gary if you are reading consider this Gary 1, John 0. Vera claimed he broke his hand in the first round, but that seemed a bush-league excuse (it was DEF broken, but not sure about Rd1). They clinched A LOT, and Sylvia drove a lot of the action – which there was VERY LITTLE of. Tim outweighed Brandon by about 40lbs, the fact that he did not dominate should be a great sign for Vera’s career and a little disappointing about Sylvia’s comeback.
I have a confession. I have a man-crush on Rich Franklin. Not looking to make-out, but want to be like, “Hey dude…let’s get a beer.” Rich would say, “Cool, let’s go.” Sadly Rd1 started with such great promise. Some jabs, some hooks – great Muay Thai defense. But then, with 10 seconds left in round one, Anderson dropped Rich like a bad f$*king habit. But WAIT, we are in Cincinnati – and Rich got a hometown break and Big John gave him a break and let his corner carry him back between rounds. Rd 2 you ask? Absolutely brutal. Anderson Silva destroyed Rich Franklin a minute seven seconds into the round. He broken Rich’s nose…again.
I gotta tell you though, there are some cocky assholes who win and lose in the UFC, but Anderson Silva must have apologized 10 times to Rich Franklin. He bowed to him about 30 times, and just kept saying, “So Sorry, love you…So Sorry.”
Rich…I love you…so sorry.