California Evacuations Suck!

My mom wanted me to go to Columbia – where she went.

My dad wanted me to go to Boston College – where he went.

Of course, I chose a third option – head west to the lovely San Diego State University.

Riiiiiight – hot chicks, warm weather and palm trees year round…that is a no brainer for any heterosexual 18 year old dude that just finished high school. Of course, as I sit in the airport for the past 2 days trying to get the HELL out of this part of the country, jappy Columbia chicks and hippie Boston chicks don’t sound so bad right now.

Please don’t hate on me, I didn’t go to my college for the hottie factor alone, but I was looking for a unique college experience. Fleeing my dorm from the heat of an impending forest fire is NOT exactly what I had in mind.

I know it is all over the news, because that is all I have been watching for the past 2 days, but I really don’t think people have a grasp of what is happening out here. HUGE expanses of forest are being burned through in minutes, but everyone else is like “f**-it, it’s all the rich people!” But I guess I should put it in Al-Gore-terms so everyone will appreciate the true damage.

In my 3rd grade Biology class, I learned how Photosynthesis works. The key part of this process is that during the day, green plants take in carbon dioxide. Unfortunately, over 10% of the country’s forestry is found in lovely California. Follow me here – if all of these forests go down and turn to ash, we are only adding to the global warming problem.

I am not trying to turn this into a green-issue (though it is), but I just had an hour argument with some hippie-douche from Colorado saying that this is karma for the rich Californians not helping Louisiana after Katrina. This is where I throw the bullsh*t card. I yield that Louisiana got shafted from FEMA, but their politicians blew it as well. WE didn’t vote for the local politicians that dropped the ball straight away – they did. At the same time, California is one of the key states responsible for a large contribution to our GDP. Is Cali goes down in a blaze of glory, America is proper f***ed.

One thing that transcends race, orientation or financial status is that evacuations are always unorganized and an absolute mess. There is really no way to get people prepared for the mess that is currently taking place. The low-wage sh*t jobs that no one wants – certain levels of civil service – are now the jobs in charge of managing one of the largest scale evacuations in US history. Right now, I am watching 2 (admittedly) high school-educated public safety officers trying to explain to 10 Spanish-speaking people that they cannot get into downtown San Diego. How sad…really.

My long-winded point is that we really need to prepare. Prices on EVERYTHING are going to go up. The ports in CA are going to be crippled, which will delay products getting to stores across the country. Consumer prices will go up, along with oil and gas. Americans need to prepare for the repercussions of this fire. It is going to be far reaching beyond any of our expectations.

Oh yeah, Dad – I will call you when I can get on ANY motherf***ing flight out of this God-forsaken part of the country!

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