Look Absolutely Ridiculous with Six-Pack Surgery

Hey fellas: want to know a sure-fire way to get a chiseled body without foolish, time-wasting activities like exercising and a healthy diet? Want to throw back a six-pack while maintaining some sick, six-pack abs? It can be done – all you have to do is get “abdominal etching,” which is a nice way to say “male liposuction.”

Six-pack surgery is a medical procedure that sucks that extra fat out of your beer gut followed by the etching in of faux-abs, all for the cost of a semester’s tuition. The outcome looks like you lost a couple pounds and applied magic marker to your stomach in hopes of fooling anybody willing to see your obvious lack of physique.

It’s unbelievable that guys would actually go to these extremes. Contrary to popular belief, there are at least three types of girls when it comes to body appreciation: girls who want their man chiseled and defined; girls who love rail-thin body types and girls that can’t get enough of beer-guzzling, hoagie-scarfing men who enjoy enjoying themselves. If you feel inclined to mangle your body with pricey surgery, the most may be better spent on a shrink.

To impress a female in the aforementioned categories, you just need to follow these simple rules:

Chiseled and defined (not recommended): live at the gym and live off egg-whites, steamed broccoli, chicken and ego.

Rail-thin body type (not recommended): become a “starving artist”; don’t eat anything ever; invest into a heroin and/or cocaine habit.

Real-man physique: eat, drink and be merry without going overboard.

If the idea of ditching beer and greasy food (read: fun) doesn’t sound too wonderful, remember: a beer gut is a man’s rite of passage.

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3 thoughts on “Look Absolutely Ridiculous with Six-Pack Surgery”

  1. James Justin Harrell

    Wow. There are times where I’ve heard people speaking and just known from their voice that they were freakin fat as fuck, but I’ve never before been able to sense that just by reading something a person has written. I can practically see the rolls of fat bouncing and jiggling.

  2. This author is clearly a non-motivated physically deficient moron. I realize the article was published in 2007, however, the art of ab etching was developed in 1991. We are now in 2010 where abdominal plastic surgery is a multi-billion dollar industry that not only cosmetically helps appearance but more importantly helps thousands of people relieve health related problems. Lastly, any writer that makes negative references towards helping one's health and appearance and recommends fatty foods and alcohol whether joking or not, needs a serious mental health evaluation. The typical male abdominal plastic surgery patient such as myself has tried for years working out, taking supplements, and a very strict diet in hopes of someday obtaining a goal such as a marvelously carved 6 pack. The fact is, many people whether male or female can not obtain a ripped looking 6 pack thru exercise and diet alone. There are other factors that come into play such as genetics and metabolism. You can be an athlete and work out constantly, lifting weights, doing cardio, and eating healthy and still not obtain a 6 pack due to small fat deposits that can essentially only be removed surgically. Ab etching only costs a few grand and can give miraculous results if you are a qualified healthy patient (obese, lazy, alcoholic, doofuses like the author need not apply).

  3. Pingback: Five easy steps to shredded abs « Results not typical…

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