I get pure joy out of seeing people getting flustered and pissed off. In some evil way their stress makes me feel better about myself.
After trying everything from cranking up the absolute worst dancehall music in the car to ripping horrendous ass in the elevator I’ve decided it’s time to update my Rolodex of annoying antics.
Here are 17 new ways to piss people off:
1. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
2. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
3. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
4. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
5. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
6. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
7. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
8. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
9. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
10. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
11. Honk and wave to strangers.
12. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
13. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Timing is everything, and if you use these 24 tips wisely your day will surely be brighter while others will be a living hell. Check out Art Lung for the full list.