The Krankcycle: Another Reason to Avoid the Gym

I’ve went to the gym a total of four times in my entire life, and never plan on going again. I understand the act of great courage that goes into being overweight and exercising at the gym, in the public.

In my case, I can’t get over the fact that I feel like a total idiot next to ripped dudes that can bench my body weight with one arm tied behind their back.

So I stay at home, flabby in the mid-section, and play Guitar Hero III on Hard (not Expert…yet). That’s how I get my feeling of self-satisfaction.

The most recent innovation in exercising is Krankcycling, a form of working out that resembles mixing batter in a bowl. Johnny Goldberg (“Johnny G.” to the hip cats), who previously created Spinning, is the developer of this upper-body workout. It’s sure to do well in California, home of EZ-living gym rats looking for the next big trend in exercising.

According to an article in the New York Times, the Krankcycle is for experts only:

“When Krankcycles first showed up, people who weren’t very athletic didn’t really understand them,” said Brian Hannah, a fitness director at two Club One outlets. “But members who were more athletic and use the gym more often realized what they did. They call it a ‘spinner for the upper body.’”

Mr. Hannah is right: I don’t understand the Krankcycle. I don’t understand how it’s ushering in a new era of exercising, nor do I “get” the concept of spinning my arms in a contraption when I can masturbate and get the same effect (with better results). My forearms put Popeye to shame.

Slutty, Wasted Girl in Bathroom Teaches Us Not to Drink and Drive
Slutty, Wasted Girl in Bathroom Teaches Us Not to Drink and Drive