Condoms or Crabs: Which do you prefer?

Listen, guys. I am a lady who has had sexual intercourse…oh…say….more than a few times. I am also a lady who does not want any STDs. Therefore, I am a lady who has safe sex. That means, you, male lovers, wear a condom.

Now most guys in my past haven’t thought twice about wearing a condom. Turns out most guys don’t want STDs, either! However, there have been a few who have whined…and even one more recently who made sex nearly impossible-because of condoms.

“I just can’t feel anything”…
“I don’t know how ANY guy can can come with these things…”

Those are two lines I heard from two separate guys in the last two weeks.

These remarks have infuriated me to the degree of broadcasting some tips to all of the male readers out there. Mind you, I’m well aware of the fact that MOST guys don’t mind condoms. But for those of you who do….

1. Pick the right condom for you. I have had two boyfriends who had difficulties with condoms….because they were using the wrong size. If your condom is choking your dick– and I mean that in a bad way–you should probably get a bigger one. If the regular size fits, go with the Trojan Ultra Thins. But be sure to use extra lube with those, since too much friction can sometimes cause them to break.

2. If you can’t feel anything with a condom on, make the most of it! Maybe you’ll be able to last longer than 2 minutes and eventually learn to feel ‘something’ with them and/or perfect the art of oral sex.

3. Don’t give the girl sh*t about wanting to use condoms. Which would you rather have on your dick: condoms or crabs? Ask yourself this the next time you want to act like condoms are an inconvenience for you. Be happy you’re dealing with a girl who respects herself enough to not openly welcome diseases.

At the end of the day, I’m really sorry if you can’t feel anything…or if it simply feels better without condoms. But unless you’re in a seriously committed relationship where you both feel trusting enough to not use condoms (and have gotten tested), rubbers should be a given.

Thank you.
I’m done.

(Image source: NYTimes.com)

13 thoughts on “Condoms or Crabs: Which do you prefer?”

  1. Um btw condoms don't prevent crabs.. Condoms do suck, and that's why most of us "GUYS" marry you or at least become serious with you so we don't have to wear one. Here is a real guide to condoms.. Wear one with the slut and fuck her silly, and then when you get bored whip it off and have her jack you off or blow you. Good luck keeping it up if she is a pig.

  2. I agree with the comment above, clearly the girl who wrote this doesn't know what she's talking about.

  3. Benjamin Michael

    Meh. As a guy, I really don't mind having to wear a condom, and I still feel plenty of wonderful sensations.

    Better safe then sorry, right? I also think it's important for the girl to be taking some sort of birth control regularly, just to be safe. As soon as the pill for guys comes out, I'll be all over that.

  4. Michael Johnson

    Another interesting artichoke. Good article but choked with her title.. Better bait next time! Come on hussy you can do better than that! lol.

  5. couldn't be more wrong. MOST guys do mind condoms. However, MOST guys don't want the herpes you picked up from the 50 other guys you fucked at the last frat party.

    Women have no idea how bad those things suck. They are a neccessary evil. Sure you still feel enough to get off but they're garbage. Ultra thins don't make that big of a difference. Oh and you can still get crabs and HPV with a condom on. They are basically there to stop HIV and herpes.

    Joe said it best, basically the only reason guys get married anymore is to dump the whole condom thing since there is no benefit other than (meager) tax benefits to getting married anymore. Woman and their hard on for punitive divorce settlements have seen to that.

  6. Wow the commenters on here are bitter!

    Condoms are a necessary evil. Without is better, but not always possible because of birth control/STI worries.

    But come on everyone, it's hardly bad with them! It still feels great, and if it doesn't then keep trying new brands and types of condoms. You might like a thinner, different shape, more lubricated or tighter fitting condom.
    http://factsandfriction.blogspot.com/

  7. Wow – I can't believe how many guys posted whining like little bitchy kids about how bad condoms suck!

    If more girls had the self respect and confidence to demand a condom and refuse sex without one, then maybe guys would just accept it.

    Yeah, you lose some sensation with a condom, but it's still better than no sex ast all, and infinitely better than ending up with a kid or some fucked-up disease

  8. If you guys don't like it, why don't you ask us women to wear a dental dam? It's a condom for women. You could switch off between a condom and a dental dam, just to make it equal between the guy and the girl. And there is the solution to your problem.

  9. Actually a dental dam is a sheet of material you would use to go down on a girl/for rimming if you were worried about getting STI’s through oral sex.

    A femidom is a female condom. They were never very successful because of the way they have to be inserted and because apparently they rustled like a plastic bag. Not hot.

  10. geez, some major mysogyny going on in these comments… but i have to include the insight, women dont like condoms either. at least not me. but once again, they are a necessary evil when you are with a new partner, or if you change partners frequently.

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