60 Minutes Hates My Generation

A few months ago I woke up from a Salvia induced trip, naked in my living room, surrounded by crumpled newspaper. As the Thai Buddha, who had just a few minutes ago been telling me ‘not to let the planet overwhelm me,’ faded from view, I realized that in my stupor I had somehow managed to turn on 60 Minutes.

I usually don’t watch this show because in my opinion it embodies everything wrong about aging. It’s basically saying ‘being old and curmudgeon-y is part of aging, let’s be closed off to the world that’s different from what we remember,’ and also because Andy Rooney drinks baby’s blood and I can’t support that (could he clean his office?).

Anyways, on this episode, Morley Safer (calculating age based on name…estimated age: 200) did a piece on a group of people called Millennials. The piece was supposed to be about how these people (born in between 1980 and 1995? He’s talking about you) are ruffling feathers in the white collar work force with their crazy tattoos and pudding pops and “Pokemans.” Bosses are ‘terrified.’

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But what’s betrayed by his language and description of these types of people is that it isn’t their style choices that frighten Morley, but their ‘inability to hear the word no‘ and how they were completely spoiled by a culture where ‘everybody wins.’ As I watched, it slowly became clear to me that this segment was really about Safer’s theory that young people are Draculas. He couldn’t fathom how anyone who grew up in such a way could operate in the real world.

Pro Tip, Safer: The real world is f*cked up thanks to old white motherf*ckers like yourself and their ‘work ethic.’ Perhaps people more invested in happiness than finance will eventually read some literature about the unfair distribution of wealth and change this terrible system.

And yeah, maybe I did get a trophy for my 5th place finish in remedial 11 and 12’s soccer. Sorry I wasn’t taught from a young age that the world is going to run me over and that maybe I should just give up and sell my soul for a 401k and a paycheck that’ll keep me just alive enough to feel dead. The mentality around rewarding loss isn’t about making everyone feel like a winner, you idiotic dipsh*t. It’s about making the game FUN for everyone who plays. It teaches the old chestnut ‘it’s not about who wins or loses, but how you play the game, and how much fun you had doing it.’

That mentality, which you take as ‘the inability to hear the word no,’ is basically the pursuit of real happiness, not money. So yeah, we are going quit when we get mistreated. And no, we won’t work 60 hours a week for more money. And yes, we want to wear what we want, because what we wear has nothing to do with how hard we work.

Google is a corporate monster. It eats the companies you dream about (with people in ties, clanging on typewriters) for godd*mn breakfast. You know what people do when they don’t feel like programming at Google? They go play in the f*cking ball pit and eat soft serve fro-yo while texting on their ‘rasberry contraptions.’

I know many people over 60 who are f*cking cool and people like you are giving aging a bad name. Get a life, Safer Morley…and stop nagging on my generation.

11 thoughts on “60 Minutes Hates My Generation”

  1. Way to go and prove the old dudes right. This article is a prime example of a generation of d-bags who love to dish out criticism, but can't take it back (or even the thought of it).

    This redistribution of wealth crap has been tried and re-tried. It simply jacks up an economy and everyone gets to start back at square one.

    Life isn't fair to all of us! How's that for equality? Get over yourself and get back to work…bitch.

  2. Why print this idiotic drivel? The author is too ignorant ( or clueless to the ‘real world’?) to come up with anything but name-calling and cursing. And, I don’t watch the show, but I at least know it’s ANDY Rooney.

  3. Mike hit it on the head. You proved the story to be correct.

    The 'millenials' have lost any sense or any drive for excellence. They are far more willing to accept mediocrity and it's disgusting. I'm not an old man I'm barely outside of the 'millenial' group but it was a noticable shift to me.

    The death of the nation won't be 'old fogey white men' it will be the apathetic entitlement generation of the 'millenials' who don't think or feel they need to work for something.

    Because, ya know what 'AD' the world will eat you up. As soon as you leave college you will realize no one gives a f*ck if you are the 5th best something. They want the best. Get used to accepting less than you're worth with your attitude.

  4. Why is this exact same article on collegecandy.com but attributed to a different author?

  5. I loved this piece. The world is changin and the young people own it. This kills these old people who are jealousy that we want to be happy, and not get caught up in how much power and money we can own(basically proving there 60 hour work week never made them happy, and there lifesytle is a deadend). Moreover, not letting money and power own are happyness. Read the article earlier on how canada has an average wealthier income, less weekly workhours, more happyness, and better sex lives. Then go work 60 hours this week and see if that makes u happy.

  6. papa bear "The ‘millenials’ have lost any sense or any drive for excellence. They are far more willing to accept mediocrity and it’s disgusting." Thats crazy, We found happyness in something more tangable. Not money! It does not imply that we dont think we need to work for something. But we realize 2 things. Are hard work makes the rich richer and me in the office 60hrs a week. Money can't buy happiness.

  7. What’s funny is that all these old motherf*ckers are right, and we’re going to learn it the hard way. When the rest of the world overtakes the US we’re all going to learn what hard work and responsibility mean again, probably by working 60 hours or more a week. The persuit of “real” happiness won’t seem so real when you have to compete with 1.3 billion chinese. I for one, am going to be happy to see this peter pan generation finally grow up. By the way, 50 years ago a man could support his family and save for retirement all on one salary, now with both parents working the average family can barely make ends meet, what happened?

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