Sure I could easily make you three dozen top 10’s lists about the advantages of being single but today I’ll mix it up. I give you the disadvantages of being a bachelor. We all love playing the field, even if you as ugly as I am, but it gets to a point where watching TV alone on a Thursday night gets to even the strongest-willed cocksman.
1. No beautiful woman to talk to day in and day out
Sure it’s great to talk with your boys 24/7 about sports and stuff, but after awhile it can become a little old. Its always nice to have a female perspective on different situations. Moreover, looking at a pretty girl ramble about puppy dogs, bunny rabbits and rainbows is much more appealing than discussing (again) why Pete Rose belongs in the Hall. All of this is given the fact that you can close the deal with a hot chick, but I contend that even a steady decent chick will do. Ugly girls…I am truly sorry. They are reserved for closing-time last resorts.
2. No one to keep your spending in check
Even though having a girlfriend can burn a hole in your pocket, she can also talk some sense into you before you make a stupid impulse buy. Many a $100+ BestBuy spending spree has been approved by my dumba** buddies because they all wanted in on Rock Band. A nice young lady would be the voice of reason, even if for self-fish reasons, and tell you that the purchase of an HD-DVD player is probably not smart given the BluRay support in the film industry; or because she wants you to take her out for a fancy dinner at Panera, either way put the consumer electronics DOWN!
3. Nobody to keep you from living like a pig
If she is a keeper or desperate, she will be there to clean up your sh*t. If she is decent or above, you will be motivated to clean up after yourself because no self-respecting hottie (there are a few left) will go knees down on a dirty floor. Not to mention the fact, that the smell of week old food in the trash – though not physically offensive to the average male nose – is a deal breaker for most of ladies.
4. Eating Alone
Without a girl in your life, a meal of hot pockets and mac & cheese is an activity for one. Even if that is your meal of choice, which the USDA probably would not support, it feels so much more healthy when undertaken with a young lady. The side benefit of this relationship is that you will slowly find hot pockets and Ramen replaced with healthier options. Not a salad every time, but maybe a veggie-dog here and some grilled chicken there. You will be a better man for it, and as gay as tofu sounds, it is not half as bad when you are eating with a special someone.
5. No one to watch TV with
This is a strange one. There is no doubt that while watching TV is a passive activity, it is much more enjoyable with another. Here is the rub – when with a lady, the choice in shows are of a slightly different genre. There will be more Dancing with the Stars and a lot more American Idol. The difference is, that if she is hot enough, you really don’t care.
6. During the school year, no one to take you to the doctor
Being sick and not having someone to go to the doctor with blows. when I’m home its usually my mom that takes me but at school the girlfriend fills that role well. The doting is a pretty nice perk, that is fo’ sho. Mom made me soup, but a good GF will provide a level of care that – unless you are from Arkansas – Mom couldn’t/shouldn’t provide.
7. Bad hygiene
We all have those weeks when shaving and showering is just a f-ing chore! She will keep you in top shape. Mostly because it is to her benefit to not have a fugly boyfriend who smells like a NY bum – but dammit, if you can’t smell yourself, you need someone else who can.
8. No one to snuggle up to every night
You can go to a bar and try to bring home girls but you have a 50/50 shot of leaving empty handed or bagging a girl who herpes or worse.