The Disadvantages of Being a Bachelor

Sure I could easily make you three dozen top 10’s lists about the advantages of being single but today I’ll mix it up. I give you the disadvantages of being a bachelor. We all love playing the field, even if you as ugly as I am, but it gets to a point where watching TV alone on a Thursday night gets to even the strongest-willed cocksman.

1. No beautiful woman to talk to day in and day out
Sure it’s great to talk with your boys 24/7 about sports and stuff, but after awhile it can become a little old. Its always nice to have a female perspective on different situations. Moreover, looking at a pretty girl ramble about puppy dogs, bunny rabbits and rainbows is much more appealing than discussing (again) why Pete Rose belongs in the Hall. All of this is given the fact that you can close the deal with a hot chick, but I contend that even a steady decent chick will do. Ugly girls…I am truly sorry. They are reserved for closing-time last resorts.

2. No one to keep your spending in check
Even though having a girlfriend can burn a hole in your pocket, she can also talk some sense into you before you make a stupid impulse buy. Many a $100+ BestBuy spending spree has been approved by my dumba** buddies because they all wanted in on Rock Band. A nice young lady would be the voice of reason, even if for self-fish reasons, and tell you that the purchase of an HD-DVD player is probably not smart given the BluRay support in the film industry; or because she wants you to take her out for a fancy dinner at Panera, either way put the consumer electronics DOWN!

3. Nobody to keep you from living like a pig
If she is a keeper or desperate, she will be there to clean up your sh*t. If she is decent or above, you will be motivated to clean up after yourself because no self-respecting hottie (there are a few left) will go knees down on a dirty floor. Not to mention the fact, that the smell of week old food in the trash – though not physically offensive to the average male nose – is a deal breaker for most of ladies.

4. Eating Alone
Without a girl in your life, a meal of hot pockets and mac & cheese is an activity for one. Even if that is your meal of choice, which the USDA probably would not support, it feels so much more healthy when undertaken with a young lady. The side benefit of this relationship is that you will slowly find hot pockets and Ramen replaced with healthier options. Not a salad every time, but maybe a veggie-dog here and some grilled chicken there. You will be a better man for it, and as gay as tofu sounds, it is not half as bad when you are eating with a special someone.

5. No one to watch TV with
This is a strange one. There is no doubt that while watching TV is a passive activity, it is much more enjoyable with another. Here is the rub – when with a lady, the choice in shows are of a slightly different genre. There will be more Dancing with the Stars and a lot more American Idol. The difference is, that if she is hot enough, you really don’t care.

6. During the school year, no one to take you to the doctor
Being sick and not having someone to go to the doctor with blows. when I’m home its usually my mom that takes me but at school the girlfriend fills that role well. The doting is a pretty nice perk, that is fo’ sho. Mom made me soup, but a good GF will provide a level of care that – unless you are from Arkansas – Mom couldn’t/shouldn’t provide.

7. Bad hygiene
We all have those weeks when shaving and showering is just a f-ing chore! She will keep you in top shape. Mostly because it is to her benefit to not have a fugly boyfriend who smells like a NY bum – but dammit, if you can’t smell yourself, you need someone else who can.

8. No one to snuggle up to every night
You can go to a bar and try to bring home girls but you have a 50/50 shot of leaving empty handed or bagging a girl who herpes or worse.

11 thoughts on “The Disadvantages of Being a Bachelor”

  1. girlfriends are not there to clean and cook I agree but one of the advantages to having a girlfriend is that some times a caring girlfriend will surprise her boyfriend with a nice meal and help him take care of himself. just like a boyfriend would do some heavy lifting for her or also cook her dinner from time to time. so to you darcy I ask that you do two things…. shave your feminist armpits and lighten up

  2. Darcy you have to read the article. He isn't saying that women will do all the cleaning, he is saying that having a hot girl around will motivate you to keep your self and apt clean because you fear that if you don't then said hot chick will ditch you.

  3. I am so sorry Darcy – you must be ugly – I am so truly sorry on so many levels.

  4. Darcy..is there really anything wrong with WANTING to do those things for your boyfriend? I like doing it, but even if I didn't…our place would be a disaster in no time, and he wouldn't eat anything but take out.

  5. #9 If you don't have a girlfriend there's a chance that you might end up with Darcy….*shudder*

  6. Darcy is that chick you meet at the bar like right before it closes but you havent had any in a while and you know you dont want to go home with her but all your boys already left with hot chicks so its ok to leave with Darcy because she's busted in the face and you can shoot a load off in her mouth without warning and not worry about her feelings… Yep thats Darcy.

  7. Nigel must be a pussy if he needs someone to take him to the doctor. I don't even go to the doctor unless I have a limb hacked off. And who needs someone around to tell you to brush your teeth? This whole list smacks of whiny emo town. Stop crying and man it up.

  8. Nigel,you are a living testimonial to why a lot of women say that they never want to marry.It sounds to me that you only have a girlfriend to satisfy your needs and to Hell with her because she can only think about ''bunnies or rainbows''.You think the Universe revolves around you and your needs.You are a legend in your own mind,my friend. Any woman who would date you smokes crack anyway.

  9. WTF is this? Leave Darcy alone and get a life. This is a stupid article and if any of you buy into these stereotypes about what it is to be a single man (can't take care of himself worth shit) then you deserve to end up needed to blow each other. Grow a fucking set, you fucking bitchy losers. Real men don't need to pick on a girl.

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