Dude, That’s Not a Hot Dog: Food of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games Revealed!

The Chinese have been dogged for years about their strange choice in cuisine. So to prepare for the 2008 Summer Olympics, which kick-off fully Friday in Beijing, the “People” combined some of their staple ingredients with American ballpark food, in a last ditch attempt to appeal more to the rest of the world.

COED’s 2008 Chinese Olympic Foods correspondent has been busy gathering up all the latest additions to the menu, and sent us the final list this morning. Get ready, because these bootleg foods are so gruesome and disgusting, they might make you join PETA. Yeah, it’s that bad…

Check out the Food of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games after the break!

Duck Tongue Fritters
American version:
Steak fries

As you might have guessed, a single duck tongue won’t satisfy any type of hunger. But a whole bag of duck tongues will! Often served as a delicacy, this tasty morsel has a pleasant bone–yes, bone–running down the center of every single licker. It doesn’t make for very convenient eating, but then again, if you’re eating a bag of duck tongues, you probably have more urgent problems to deal with.

Pig Ear
American version:
Elephant ear

Unlike an ‘elephant ear’–the flat, sugary, fried dough you may have had at the county fair–this is an actual pig’s ear. Usually served as an appetizer, it’s stewed texture is “like tofu” and can be eaten hot or cold. At the Beijing Olympic games, they’re just going to deep-fry that sh*t, Southern-style.

Donkey D**k on a Stick
American version:
Sausage on a stick

It’s not the meat on a stick part that grosses us out about this one. You guessed it, it’s the donkey d**k. Sure, this particular delicacy is usually only eaten for health reasons, but don’t think it’s not eaten. I mean, Olympic athletes are already chowing down on the sh*t. Probably as we speak. So by tossing the sucker on a stick, that’s just healthy-portable, like yogurt.

Candied Chicken Blood Apples
American version:
Carmel-covered apples

A favorite among the children of China, chicken blood is considered a delicious and nutritious snack. So forget giving them candy, just enjoy a unique twist on the candy apple. Sure it has a lot more blood in it, but it builds character, and that’s what these games are really all about.

Deep-Fried Baby Rat Embryo Poppers
American version: Pretzel dippers

If you thought donkey d**k was nasty, you’re going to f**king hate these little tidbits. These varmint treats are just like jalapeño poppers, but filled with blood, guts and skin! Don’t worry, these suckers might be alive when they go into the oil, but they come out perfectly crispy.

5 thoughts on “Dude, That’s Not a Hot Dog: Food of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games Revealed!”

  1. is this a joke? what's with the racist stereotypes? go back to your synagogue and prey you don't get nuked. give it six months, you'll be china's bitch.

  2. Obviously, this is a joke. And I don't know if you checked up on this or not, lou but people actually eat these things in China…Not in this way, but would you like it better if they pointed out exactly how gross their food is? I've been to China. What you think is a pet shop is a grocery store…

  3. Hey Lou
    I've been to China and this isn't a stereotype. It's true. I was looking in the window of a pet store in Beijing that specialized in snakes, dozens of them squirming around behind a display window. And then I realized it was a restaurant. A SNAKE restaurant. Yikes!
    Just because it's yucky doesn't mean it's not true.
    One thing you can say about the Chinese–they aren't squeamish. And you're right, we are going to be their bitches, because while we fuck around on the internet and comment on random bullshit, they're studying mechanical engineering and designing cool machines that are gonna kick our ass. 中国是非常好的!

  4. In China they have learned to eat whatever is available. You would too if your country had suffered the worst famine in the history of the world. Also, google some western food companies like Smithfield Foods or take a look at the ingredients in the average candy bar. Not so squeamish about duck toungues now, are you?

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.