Open relationships are not just a thing of the past, something your parents tried out on the weekends back in the 70’s before STDs existed. They are alive and well today. And I’m here to explain some of the pros and cons of such a relationship for those of you who may be interested in giving it a try, or who want your friend to give it a try so you can get with his girlfriend that’s too hot for him.
I have a good friend, I’ll call her Sandy, who recently decided that open was the best kind of relationship, so all of my advice is the direct result of her actual experiences that have been rehashed to me. My friend’s trial run didn’t turn out so well, she and her boyfriend eventually broke up, but she insists that it wasn’t all bad and that she’d do it again given the opportunity.
Check out the Pros and Cons of an Open Relationship after the break!
1) Your significant other is f**king someone else
This falls under the category of obvious, and something that can’t be emphasized enough. Someone else is hollowing out your girl, or on the flipside, you boy is balls-deep in a different box. I don’t think there’s really too much more to add here. I personally couldn’t stand the idea, but from what I’ve been told, when both partners are hooking up with different people it’s a lot easier. The trouble for my friend started when she wasn’t getting any from outside sources and her bf was getting a lot.
2) “I’m too tired” takes on an entirely different meaning
Sandy told me that one of the reasons she agreed to the open relationship was because her boy wanted sex a lot more than she did, and she thought that if he could get all he wanted there wouldn’t be as much tension between them. (Oops.) Problems arose when she wanted some sexy time with him and he was “too tired”. She said that had never been a problem in the past. He didn’t use the excuse often, but it happened a few times, and Sandy always knew what it really meant. (Too much poon…)
3) So what really constitutes cheating?
Sandy was never accused of cheating during the open relationship, but one of her boyfriend’s hookups was. The best part is that it happened because Sandy made out with the girl at a party. That’s right, it was some good ol’ fashioned girl on girl action and he was upset about it, but not with his girlfriend, he was pissed that his open relationship companion made out with his girlfriend. I don’t think he saw competing with his gf for girls as a potential problem, that one would have slipped my mind too. Oh what a tangled web they did weave.
Like I said, Sandy doesn’t believe it was all bad. She had a couple of experiences she thought were really positive.
1) New tricks of the trade
Both Sandy and her boyfriend brought back new things to try in the bedroom from experiences they had with other people. Sandy told me that their sex life had become pretty repetitive and boring while they were monogamous. They’d been together over three years at this point, but branching out helped them bring some variety back to the bedroom. Showing each other new tricks, positions and sensations was her favorite part of the open experience.
2) Living out your voyeur fantasy
Sandy and her bf hooked up mostly with mutual friends, a couple of whom were also in relationships. So on top of trading partners they also tried out hooking up in the same room at the same time. This wasn’t your experience from freshman year when you and your roommate brought back girls and tried to be quiet so nobody knew you were doing it. This was entirely intentional, and meant to be observed. Now, this isn’t for everyone, but according to my friend it was a lot of fun. Watching another couple have sex really did it for her.
3) Maybe you find something better
This isn’t something Sandy told me about, this is my own opinion. As I said before Sandy and her bf broke up after they started the open relationship, and in the end Sandy’s ex ended up with one of the girls he met during the experience. He found someone he wanted to be with more. I don’t think either started out looking for someone else, but in the end it happened for one of them. If you’re starting an open relationship because you’re unhappy with what you’ve got (even if it’s just a small thing) odds are you’re looking for something, or someone different.