How to Go Green Without Looking Gay…Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That

Here’s the deal: It’s high time for all of us to do everything we can to ensure that Earth stays clean and habitable. And switching to renewable sources of energy is a must. But as is, it’s pretty hard to “go green” without looking totally lame. So until these green industries start to hire better designers that don’t make everything look like it came from a gay alien’s fantasy, here are a few small things you can do to reduce your “carbon footprint” while not looking like assclown.

Check out How to Go Green Without Looking Gay after the break!

Learn to Use a Straight Razor

Disposable razors and razor blades, which are generally small and insignificant, take up a lot of space in landfills (because of how many are used and discarded), not to mention all the energy spent in transportation and manufacturing. So this is one easy way to go green that will also make you look like a total badass.

You can often pick up a good razor from an antique shop or pawn shop in your area. Just make sure the blade isn’t stainless steel, which won’t hold an edge and make sure it has no chips or cracks, which can f**k you up if you use it – Sheffield steel is the best, and will have its brand name clearly displayed on the blade. Check out this quick guide to shaving with a straight razor, here. And watch this video to see a good example of how it’s all done without slitting your throat.

Ride a Motorcycle

Motorcycles aren’t exactly green, but they’re a hell of a lot greener than a Hummer or a ’76 Trans AM and they don’t look nearly as lame as pretty much every vehicle that’s coming out these days. If you’re getting your first bike, I’d go with a Kawasaki Ninja 250.

This inexpensive little bike has better styling than most bikes in this displacement range, is light and easy to ride – and it has a secret power-band above 7,000 RPMs (it redlines at 13,000) that will rocket you pretty much as fast as you want to go. And if a motorcycle isn’t your thing, just get a bicycle – that’s as green as it gets.

Carry a Backpack for Shopping

To avoid using plastic bags at the store, girls like to go with the tote bag. Problem is, tote bags are about as lame as they sound, and any respectable man wouldn’t be caught dead carrying one. Instead, just take a your backpack. You’ll fit as much in a good-sized backpack as you would in any stupid tote bag and you won’t come off as a total candyass while doing it.


Getting your hamburger from the farm to your mouth uses more energy, kills more trees and burns more gas than you could possibly imagine. Which is why you should kill your food yourself. Now, unless you’re Davey Crocket or Rambo, it’s highly unlikely you’ll be able to score enough meat for every meal. But just a single deer can have your freezer stocked for months.

While hunting takes a lot of skill and experience, a lot of it’s just luck. So your best bet is to find a friend or family member that knows what he’s doing and have him show you what’s up. (Sorry, this isn’t something you can learn on the internet, but you can get some preliminary info here.)

Own a Laptop

No matter what, you’re going to own a computer and use the Internet – it’s impossible not to, these days. And chances are you leave the thing plugged in and on at all times. Which is why you should own a laptop. First, since they have a battery, you don’t have to have them plugged in constantly during use. Sure, you have to charge the thing, but that’s not nearly as big a deal. Plus, they’re coming out with some environmentally friendly notebooks these days. For laptops with some of the best environmental records, check out the Lenovo IdeaPad U110 or Apple’s new MacBook Pro.

Use Electronic Billing

In this day and age, there’s absolute no reason to get anything in the mail except Birthday and Christmas cards, magazine and crap you order off the Internet. Everything else is just a waste of time, money, paper, space and vital resources. To put a stop to the immense amount of trash being delivered to your place every day, opt for electronic billing for all your utilities and expenses plus all your bank statements and credit card bills – the company’s Website should tell you how to make the switch. Mother Earth (and your mailman) will thank you.

Lose Bottled Water

Let’s face it, bottled water is the stupidest thing on the planet. Unless you live in a place without access to clean water, buying bottled water is like having someone trick you into handing over your hard-earned money for something you can have for (basically) free. To cut back on buying this bottled bullsh*t, pick up a Pur water filter, which can make even the crappiest tap water taste like melted snow from the peaks of heaven. And to keep the transportability, pick up a SIGG water bottle, which is super-strong, lightweight and easy to carry. And 1-percent of all SIGG profits go to environmental causes.

4 thoughts on “How to Go Green Without Looking Gay…Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That”

  1. Pingback: How to Go Green Without Looking Gay…Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That -

  2. This list of ideas is hilarious, even if every single guy on the planet started taking up all of these habits the total impact would be close to null.

  3. I'm gay and do all of the things in this list. You guys better try something else or just get your gay on- nothing wrong with that.

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