10 Things From Your Twenties You’ll Regret When You’re Forty

Don’t get me wrong – being young and having fun is as important as anything in life. But assuming you live past the age of 28, there are a few things that you just can’t get away with, without reaping some serious consequences. Here are the top 10 things you do when you’re young that, when looking back, make you wonder how you could have been such a complete and total dumbass. (Image used courtesy of The Lizard Man)

10. Body Piercing Plugs

Believe me, I’ve been there. The piercing you either got at the mall or did in your friend Tim’s basement with a safety pin just wasn’t cool enough, so you switched to 16-gauge hoops, then to 14, and before you knew it, you’ve shoved the biggest g*ddamn thing that doesn’t look like it will give you herpes through your ear lobe like you’re from f**king Ethiopia. But beware: once you’ve finally decided to take out the massive disks in your ears, your lobes will be so stretched, you’ll have to have them sew-up to keep from looking like you have a shriveled butt hole on each ear.

(Image used courtesy of Stephen)

9. Risque Internet Pics

For some reason, people these days just can’t help posting pictures of themselves and their friends doing stupid, drunken, naked things online. But despite the fact that everybody’s doing it, don’t be fooled: Sometime, sooner or later, those pictures are going to come back to haunt you. And when they do, it will start a sh!tstorm you can’t even imagine. And pretty soon that trip to Vegas when you were 23 will turn into the reason you are fired from your job, divorced from your wife and/or estranged from your children. Seriously.

8. Tattoos

These days, having a tattoo is practically like having a belly button – everybody’s got one. The only difference is, having a belly button isn’t going to make you want to punch yourself in the face for stupidity as soon as you’re out of your “Jack Daniels phase.” Of course plenty of tattoos won’t be constantly regrettable reminders that you were once a retard. That is, unless you got any on your face, neck, fingers or any other place where your boss is then forced to know how much you used to like naked Star Wars characters. Oh and ladies, just so you know, one day that lower back tattoo you all seem to have is going to be known as the “old lady tattoo.” Not so sexy, is it?

7. Choosing Your Best Friend’s Girlfriend Over Your Best Friend

She was hot. She was so smokingly hot, your F’ing crotch could’ve spontaneously combusted at any moment. And the fact that she was untouchable, lest you ruin the entire friendship you and your best buddy had built up since you were six, made her all the more desirable. But one day, they broke up. And all of a sudden, you were spending your days holding hands and helping her pick out duvet covers. You and “that asshole” Mr. Ex stopped talking. Time goes by. Then some afternoon you come home to find her blowing a guy from the laundromat. And the sad thing is, in the end, you are the douchebag, and that’s all there is to it.

6. Getting Married Too Young

This rotten son-of-a-bitch trap can swallow even the most farsighted individuals. And I get it: You meet the woman of your dreams. You spend all your time with her; she gets all your jokes. And pretty soon, she’s on the pill and you’re living under the same roof, picking out paint for the dining room, secretly wondering what the hell happened to your manhood. Before you know it, you’re d*ck deep in webcam girl bills and pleated khakis. Next up, divorce, which charmingly includes going into debt to pay for the lawyers. But the sick twist is, she never wanted any of that bullsh!t either.

5. Not Traveling (Enough)

It’s hard to realize when you’re 21, but the time for whisking off to foreign lands with nothing to worry about besides which awesome thing to see next quickly evaporates. (Just ask any older person, they’ll tell you all about it.) Before you know it, you’re still in the same place you were seven years before, but with too many responsibilities to get away with jetting off to India for six months, just for the hell of it. So the best bet is to get as much traveling in while you’re single, childless and can still afford to not be working on building up your 401K (as if those mattered much these days, anyway). So what are you waiting for?

4. Not Finishing School

One thing you quickly learn in college is that not having any money to spend sucks a hot cup of assholes. By your junior year, all you want to do is sit still for two f**king seconds and relax, instead of zipping around like a PCP addict. So you drop out, get an OK job, do OK stuff and have OK things. Cool, right? Maybe. But if you want to really do something interesting with your life, you’re going to have to do a hell of a lot better than that.

Not only should you finish school, but you should become passionate about something, study abroad and then go to grad school. Become an expert. You know, or you could knock up some chick, get a predatory loan and hope to God you never get fired for the rest of your life.

(NOTE: I know, this is not always the case. Some of the most successful people in the world dropped out of school. Fine – whenever you want to go invent something that changes the world, be my guest.)

3. Smoking

If you didn’t know smoking kills you by now, then you probably deserve whatever fate becomes you. Whatever. The thing the never-smokers don’t understand is, smoking is good for the soul, damnit! (Unfortunately, you only think that because you’re addicted to nicotine.) But unless you’re some type of endlessly-going genetic anomaly, THIS SH!T WILL KILL YOU. Seriously, so unless you want your kids to think you’re a total asswipe, quit right now. If you don’t want to have kids, fine. But that’s not going to make the chemo any less sucky, that’s all I’m sayin’…

2. Bad Credit

This one applies to everyone, since we Americans all seem to be addicted to f**king ourselves over in the long-run by getting greedy and buying a bunch of stupid crap every 10 seconds when we can’t afford it. Yep, I’ve been there, too. And for now, while your biggest commitment in life is playing Left4Dead, it might seem OK. But when you have a family to support and sending your kids to college is suddenly slopped on your plate, you’re going to be eating a giant sh!t sandwich. That is, unless you call saving for the future and holding-off on that new 50-inch plasma something other than a sh!t sandwich. Not that I have to tell you that anymore, since you don’t have a job. Hmmmm, I wonder how that happened…

1. Not Spending More Time With Your Parents

Mom and Dad might not be hip to your world or your life or even the Internet, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t the two most important people you have. And believe it or not, they can be gone before you know it. (Other times they stick around so long, you could kill them yourself, but that’s another article.)

So whether you live miles away or blocks, make sure to spend time with them whenever you can. Call them, send them a card, do anything that lets them know that you’re not a complete f**k-up. They will thank you for it, whether you know so now or not. It’s not to say that, if you are still living on your parent’s couch, you’re going to be the most satisfied person on the planet. But if you only see the folks once a year, you’re going to have some therapy bills to pay for once they pass, guaranteed.

Honorable Mentions: not banging a MILF, heavy drug use, not learning a foreign language, beastiality

Have a regret to add to the list? Just tell us in the comments!


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22 thoughts on “10 Things From Your Twenties You’ll Regret When You’re Forty”

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  3. I agree with the tattoo warning. I got a pot leaf tattooed on my arm when i was about 20, it was ubercool in my 20's but not so much in my 30's, and less so now that i'm 42. i'm in the expensive process of having it lasered out. it cost $100 to get it put on and $1000 to have it taken out.

  4. This was a great article. I wish I could be entrapped in more serious articles like this one. However, I am young (19) and engaged and right now, I am the happiest man alive, when it comes to being with the one I love. But, we had dated long before we were engaged. We live together and don't have many problems and we are taking pre-marraige counceling. I actually can't wait to commit my life to this woman and I think that if in the right situations a young marraige could be great. But that's just me.

  5. the Tatoo thing is right if you just got something. If it is a tatoo that has meaning, then why should you regret it. All your saying is, think before you ink and why should someone regret artwork they wanted.

    And the marriage one sounds like it is written by someone who got burned anyways. There are loads of couples that got married early and are still happy. Just becuase you need internet porn to stay happy all the time, doesn't mean we all do.

  6. i'm contesting #7, in my case choosing the best friend over the girl was the wrong choice, and eleven years later, it still feels like the wrong choice.

  7. I was around an awful lot of young women I could have gone further with sexually, but i didn't know s**t about females back then. It's scary how much more action I could've had.

  8. grinningdog: that's your fault for getting a stupid fucking tattoo. a pot leaf tat is not cool, in any age bracket.

  9. @Jordan: you are an idiot. Dating a long time before you were engaged??? You are only 19. So you have been dating since you were what 15? You can't even legally drink and you are getting hitched?!? Way to go buddy…way to go.

    Stupid kids

  10. Pingback: Things From Your Twenties You’ll Regret When You’re Forty | Attuworld.com

  11. Just because you're young doesn't mean you are an idiot. Inexperienced? Maybe. Naive? Maybe, but not an idiot. Also I hope you are not suggesting that you have to legally drink to fall in love. Some very close friends were married at 20. They have been 30 years now with 4 kids. Good list in my opinion. To not learn from a mistake is the biggest mistake you can make.

  12. Any one who chooses a bro's instead of ho's tells me you got no game and yes that means you oops. But the one that they forgot and to me the most important thing NOT to do is knock some chick up then be on the hook to her for 18 plus years. Seen many a good man ruined by this for 30 seconds of ejaculation.

  13. It's all up to you guy's, and it's very inportant tp keep in your maind that who you are and why are ther, then make a move.. then you don't have to regret it.

  14. Great article!I am a 20y girl and was aware of all this,but reading it from the perspective of a man in his 40s reassures me that I should think twice before doing something and travel more

  15. Yes, but when you're in your 20s with a crappy assistant level job that seriously doesn't pay sh*t.. where are you going to get the money to travel anywhere beyond the next town?

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