Secret Spots Guide to Doing Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras is drawing near and time to get your liver prepped for the torture that it is fixing to go through. For the faint of heart, the next couple weeks may prove too much; for the brave and daring it means the opportunity for a booze filled sex-capade.
Just going down to New Orléans and doing whatever you happen into is one way to treat this gracious of all times, but if you really want to do it right you need to have a plan. That’s where we come in.
In the interest of science, the COED research team braved the Big Easy to run field experiments (meaning we got wasted and tried to hook up with everything that moves) to give you “The Guide to Doing Mardi Gras Right.” This is not a step by step plan, but a few hints on where you might want to start.
Want to get friendly with some locals?
When it comes to Mardi Gras there are two things on everyone’s mind- booze and sex. There are some places that happen to cater to both of those primal needs. The Republic New Orléans is a stylish club that caters to the sexy and beautiful; don’t worry guys, pay the cover and you can get in too. This timeless, 7000 square foot club gets jam-packed with all the hottest of the local talent ready to prove they are not as innocent as Mom and Dad believe.
If you are not into the games that come with hooking up at the clubs, but want to explore the feminine body up close than give Rick’s Cabaret a try. This is the same famous Rick’s that Howard Stern’s midget driver and bodyguard is also plugging on the show.  Like you would expect, a place like New Orléans is full of “Gentlemen’s Clubs.” For the hottest babes that will actually chat with you without demanding you buy them a $20 dollar Coke, give Rick’s a try. If your game is good enough who knows what the night could lead to…Maybe you’ll bang Ronnie the Limo Driver.
Want to stay at the coolest place in the heart of the party?
Give The Columns Hotel a try. Located in the Gardens District of New Orléans, this place is near everything with easy access to get wherever you want. This mansion designed and built over 130 years ago gives you the feel of southern charm and hospitality that goes right along with women baring their assets for beads. What a beautiful country!
Want to ‘get busy’ without having to leave the party?
The good people of the City of New Orléans have provided you with just such a place- under the stands along the parade route. This modest cover in Lafayette Square will hide you from the peering eyes of the paparazzi and their video cameras, just as long as they are not looking too hard and you’re not too famous. Being able to get nasty with hundreds of people all around might add a little extra spice to it too. That is, if you need any help in that arena.
What if you got busy under the bleachers with someone other than your girlfriend?
Well, if you were dumb enough to bring her to Mardi Gras than you deserve whatever she does to you plus the razing that the guys will give you on the way home. For those looking to salvage their relationship and reach true stud-like status take her to Sucré when she gets tired of beating you senseless the next day. The treats that you will be able to shower down upon her there just might get you a little something ‘special’ on the way home from her.
And if not who cares.  Mardi Gras comes every year, so she has 364 days to get over it before you get to pull that crap again.

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