This economy sucks. And you need to earn some money if you plan on ever buying that jet-pack you want. But why get a job when you can lounge around all summer playing videos games? You don’t need to get a job with a 401K and benefits to make some quick spending money. Here are a few tips to help all you unemployed bums out there make a bit of cash for your summer investments.
Craigslist – Before you let your mind go right to the gutter, hear me out. I am not talking about prostitution (though I hear it can be a very lucrative endeavor). In the jobs/gigs section you will certainly find something to make cash; whether it be minor landscaping at someones lawn, or posing nude for an up-and-coming local artist. Craigslist is a great place to go for work. Oh and be sure to check out the missed connections section too just in case somebody out there thought they saw a spark with you (to the girl at Walgreens yesterday afternoon, I was the guy buying the yellow thank you notes; you looked at me real quick. I think we could be something)
Ebay – Sell some of your stuff. We all have things lying around the house that we just don’t use. Make an Ebay account and see if some nice young boy out in Omaha wants your three-speed bicycle from the fifth grade. If all else fails go into the garage and start pawning off dad’s lesser used tools. He’ll never notice.
Online gambling – Quick warning… may result in you actually losing money. With that in mind, it would be a great idea to link your PayPal account from Ebay right to FullTilt Poker. You’ll double your funds in no time.
Start a non-sustainable business (see: Pyramid Scheme) – There’s no better or more ethical way to make a buck than to rip off your neighbors. It’s easy — get a business card, think of a legitimate business name, and never give anyone your real phone number.
Have a lemonade stand – It’s starting to get hot out, and I LOVE lemonade. You can get away with charging a bit more than the kids down the street if you go for quality (none of the powdered crap). Or you can undercut them and charge less… all of those price-shopping lemonade connoisseurs will be your regular customers in no time. Sorry little Timmy, but you aren’t going to be able to save up enough for that new skateboard… you better work on quality control if you want to compete with this guy.
Write a screenplay – Step one, come up with a great idea that has never been thought of before (see: The Human Centipede… that is just cinematic GOLD!) Step two, write it down. Step three, find someone in Hollywood to buy it (that can’t be that hard can it?). Hey, if Ben Affleck can do it (see: Good Will Hunting… not Gigli) anybody can.
Get on a Reality Show – It’s not 1997 so forget about showing up to that Real World audition because all it’s going to lead to is 3 minutes of fame and a whole of reunion shows. No, you need to date a reality star like a Kardashian or a Taylor or anyone else who has a show on E! You’ll be guaranteed at least one People cover and at least one pregnancy scandal.
Sign up for Medical Tests – Nothing says desperate like subjecting your body to random medications that you may or may not need. But who cares? It’s the summer and you might as well finance your outdoor flip cup gangs by taking as many strong psychiatric drugs as possible.
Solve the Oil Spill – You’ll make more than a quick buck if you accomplish this one. You might even get an awesome internship at BP outta of it.
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