He Said / She Said: Going Soft Makes Things Hard

Photo by Noel Hendrickson, Photographer's Choice RF

He Said/She Said is a new dating, sex, and relationship series designed to help dudes understand what chicks are thinking – we know, an impossible feat. Every week we’ll be throwing out a different topic for debate…you can read the guy’s side here and the girl’s side at CollegeCandy.com. This week’s topic: what to do when Captain Winky doesn’t stand to attention.

I gotta admit, this week’s topic is tough for me. While most of you reading that previous sentence might jump to the conclusion that I’m about divulge my battle with erectile dysfunction – I actually have quite the opposite “problem” – I can’t keep the damn thing down. Just about anything can awaken it from its slumber: bus rides, train rides, car rides, rollercoaster rides, helicopter rides – what can I say, I guess I love transportation. It’s safe to assume if you’re sitting next to me on the subway, I’m probably all chubbed up.

Am I proud of this “gift”? Most of the time, no. But when it’s the rare instance of a lady demanding it, then I’m thankful. Girls are either surprised, annoyed, or even frustrated when they discover my “ability”. They either think this guy is the horniest man I’ve ever met or they think they must not have satisfied me the first time around, making them feel inadequate (not true), or they’re like dude, chill out, I have sh*t to do today.

I’ve only come remotely close to being unable to get it up 2 maybe 3 times in my life. In those select scenarios, it’s usually because I’ve been drinking a sh*t ton of booze for hours on end or I’m having doubts about what I’m about to do. In all those cases, I’ve managed to pull through. How? I don’t pop a pill or try to get myself psyched up, I just focus on what turns me on.

Photo by Peter Cade, Iconica

But, what about those guys who easily get whiskey d*ck or suffer from impotence / ED? I have a couple friends that get teased for this. They do extremely well with the ladies, they’re able to attract them and bed them, but their difficulty getting and staying hard becomes an issue. So, what are some of the causes and how should those guys go about dealing with it? After some very brief research, here are some leading causes:

  • Anti-depressants
  • Neurogenic disorders like Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and stroke
  • Psychological causes: performance anxiety, stress, mental disorders (clinical depression, schizophrenia, substance abuse, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, personality disorders or traits, psychological problems, negative feelings
  • Surgeries that may damage the nerves and blood vessels involved in erection
  • Aging (which many of you don’t have to worry about now, but your 60s will surely suck)
  • Kidney failure
  • Diseases such as diabetes and multiple sclerosis affect the nervous system and inhibit blood flow
  • Smoking – it promotes arterial narrowing and the incidence of impotence is 85 percent higher in male smokers compared to non-smokers

Some causes have obvious treatments:

  • Quit smoking
  • Alter your diet to promote kidney health
  • Don’t drink your weight in Wild Turkey – it reduces testosterone production, which is critical for libido and physical arousal
  • Exercise
  • Get a prescription for Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis
  • Get a FDA approved “vacuum therapy” device aka penis pump
  • Don’t get old

I’m going to address the “psychogenic” causes that are within your control when it happens in the heat of the moment like anxiety, stress, and negative thoughts and/or feelings. If you’re getting boners in your sleep, you can probably chalk up your impotence to psychological rather than something circulatory or physical.

For guys, don’t panic. Relax. I know that’s easy to say now but difficult to do when the chick is pummeling you with questions and possible wisecracks, “What’s wrong?” “Are you okay?” “Tell me what to do” “Am I not good enough for you?” When this happens it’s important to keep a level head and reassure her that she’s not doing anything wrong.

For girls, chill out. If anyone should understand the complexities of achieving arousal and orgasm, it should be women. You ladies have the combination lock of circumstances and conditions that help you get into a place or mindset that allows you to climax. The same holds true for some dudes. It’s just a matter of figuring out his combination. It could be as simple as turning off the lights, lighting candles, playing some soothing / chill music. But, the most important thing to keep in mind is HE controls the situation. The issue is in HIS head. All you can do is help guide him to a non-stressful, calm place so his brain can process that you’re hot and can do great things to his body.

Check out what SHE SAID at CollegeCandy.com.

Liked this? Check out these:
He Said / She Said: Your Place Or Mine?
He Said / She Said: 9 Things Girls Shouldn’t Do In The Bedroom
He Said She Said: WARNING, Applying Labels Can Be Dangerous To Your Health
He Said / She Said: “Dormcest” (Hooking Up With Roommates/Neighbors)
He Said / She Said: Her Number Doesn’t Really Matter

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