May 17th is Trent Reznor‘s 46th birthday. For those of you who are unaware of Trent’s work, he was the front man for Nine Inch Nails, which makes his Oscar for Best Soundtrack (The Social Network) even more impressive. If none of that matters to you, he also hates Fred Durst. There, now you should care about him. In celebration of his arrival into this twisted world, here are 46 other fun facts about Trent you might not have known about. (via Silverworld)
1) Trent Reznor doesn’t churn butter. He only looks at the cows and the butter comes straight out.
2) Trent Reznor once ate a whole cake before his band friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
3) Trent Reznor doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
4) Trent Reznor has volunteered to remain on Earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time writing a song with the Anti-Christ.
5) Trent Reznor can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
6) Trent Reznor describes human beings as “a sociable holder for blood and guts”.
7) When Trent Reznor was born, the only person who cried was the doctor.
8) A handicapped parking sign doesn’t mean the spot is for handicapped people. It means the spot belongs to Trent Reznor and you’ll be handicapped if you park there.
9) Someone once videotaped Trent Reznor getting pissed off. It was called, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”
10) If you spell Trent Reznor in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
11) Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Trent Reznor once and he will torture you to death.
12) The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Trent Reznor played in second grade.
13) Trent Reznor once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Trent Reznor re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
14) Trent Reznor has two speeds: Walk and Kill
15) Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Trent Reznor’s kindergarten class.
16) The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Trent Reznor didn’t kill you in your sleep.
17) Kenny G is allowed to live because Trent Reznor doesn’t kill women.
18) Trent Reznor enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is removing your lower intestine and pretending to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.
19) Love does not hurt. Trent Reznor does.
20) The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Trent Reznor. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
21) Someone once tried to tell Trent Reznor that yelling isn’t the best way to kill someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
22) Once you go Reznor, you are physically unable to go back.
23) Trent Reznor once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
24) According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Trent Reznor walks.
25) They once made a Trent Reznor toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
26) Trent Reznor does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Trent Reznor.
27) There are no such things as tornadoes. Trent Reznor just hates trailer parks.
28) Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Trentatorship.
29) The Drummer for Def Leppard’s only got one arm. Trent Reznor needed a back scratcher.
30) There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Trent Reznor.
31) Q: How many Trent Reznors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Trent Reznor prefers to sing in the dark.
32) For most people, home is where the heart is. For Trent Reznor, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
33) If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Trent Reznor.
34) Trent Reznor is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Trent Reznor.
35) Trent Reznor is the only human being to display Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will yell at you in the face.
36) When Trent Reznor does division, there are no remainders.
37) In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Trent Reznor turned that wine into beer.
38) Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Trent Reznor does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
39) Everybody loves Raymond. Except Trent Reznor.
40) Trent Reznor destroyed the periodic table, because Trent Reznor only recognizes the element of surprise.
41) Trent Reznor did not “lose” his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
42) Trent Reznor actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.
43) Trent Reznor can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”
44) Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the Revolutionary War who entered space after the Trent gave them a kick to the face.
45) According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere Trent Reznor walks.
46) In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Trent Reznor, because Trent Reznor killed that man.
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