I’m stuck at home with a bum-ankle last night, so of course I wanted to watch that guy Nik Wallenda cross the Niagara Falls–only to fall to his certain doom. I can’t have been the only person sitting at home thinking that, right? Well considering that most people in my age-range were out enjoying the summer and getting crunk-as-f*ck, I might have been. But so what? Does ABC actually think that these “MegaStunts” they’ve got lined up for the summer are going to draw as much of a crowd as the NBA Finals?
Sure, you might be getting the Everybody Loves Raymond crowd (that strangely populated demographic that tunes into boring sh*t) but I guarantee you that ratings will absolutely soar if you start sabotaging your stunts. Maybe cut Nik’s wire a little bit so it snaps halfway through. Maybe even fly a helicopter dangerously close to him so he falls. I don’t know. All I can say is that I was strangely disappointed when he succesfully crossed the Niagara Falls without a single problem. Call me crazy for wanting something more in my “MegaStunt” programming.