I want a pet chimpanzee. The first thing I’d do is dress my chimpanzee up in “people clothes.” Why? It would be “funny.” Except the chimp doesn’t really have any say in the matter. Hell, no. And when that day comes and my chimp rises up and attacks me–ripping off half my face–would people be so damn surprised? Absolutely not. Why? Because f*cking around with dangerous wild animals is unnatural – not to mention plain retarded. Check out this clip from Louis Theroux’s documentary on exotic pets:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3exJR8_Nxmo]
And now (sound trumpet), here are the Top 5 Animal Maulings. You decide who was in the wrong!
![Sheila Shaw and Kat Babcock At The Jose Cuervo Beach Volleyball Tournament In Belmar, NJ [INTERVIEW]](https://coedstaging.coed.com/wp-content/themes/coedmediagroup/sites/coed/images/default.jpg?w=730&zoom=1&crop=0,0,730px,410px)
