Kareem Collins of St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana, faced an immediately pressing crisis this past Saturday–and, logically enough, he reached out to emergency services for help. To be exact: Collins dialed 911 and informed the operator that he “needed a woman.”
Well, don’t we all, pal?
Surprisingly enough, Collins did get a woman on the other end of the phone: a female officer who ran a background check on Collins after the monitoring system automatically red-flagged his number as belonging to a convicted criminal—and a convicted sex criminal, to boot.
Compounding the misguided dialer’s misery, it was further revealed that he broke at least one new law when he moved into the St. Tammany neighborhood and didn’t alert any of the neighbors about his legally-checkered past. That’s almost as ill-advised as mistaking 911 for a take-out hooker service.
The local sheriff’s department issued a press release that reveals a little amusement over Collin’s incredibly insane idiocy. It states: “Our would-be Romeo had failed to contact the proper authorities when he moved from New Orleans to Slidell – a big no-no for convicted sex offenders.”
The report then concludes: “Collins didn’t get the woman he was looking for Saturday night, but he did get a ride to the St. Tammany Parish Jail after he was arrested for failure to register for a change of address.”
After Collins got booked, how do you think he exercised his right to one free phone call?

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