Two women recently posted a Craigslist ad in pursuit of male companions to accompany them to an upcoming major music festival—or, as the listing puts it, they want “Coachella boyfriends.”

So are you approximately 30% bro, 7.5% hipster, 12.5% raver, and 50% normal? If you are, and if you have a friend exactly (and we mean exactly) like you, then this pair of “fun-loving girls” would like you to punch their tickets nonstop in the humanity-packed sweat pits of sunny Indio, California between April 11 and April 13 for the opening weekend of Coachella 2014.

But wait. Just a few more hurdles remain before your blind-double-date bliss. Here are their other requirements, as quoted from the ad:

  • 24 years or older
  • 6 feet tall (willing to accept 5’11” if you are actually that height – no rounding up, let’s be honest here)
  • Current San Francisco resident
  • Must already have your own Coachella Weekend 1 ticket
  • General physical stamina and ability to carry a girl on your shoulders
  • Know how to handle your shit (blacking out and forgetting the festival is the minor leagues buddy)
  • Understands and appreciates the natural wonder that is car camping
  • Understands and appreciates the natural wonder that is car camping and still plans on utilizing the -shower through said 3-days of camping
  • Embraces morning day-drinking
  • Bonus for above-par beer pong skills
  • Preference given to applicants applying as a pair of friends

Sadly, the actual post has been flagged for removal, but here’s the original copy (without the shopping list that they originally posted above:

Looking for 2 males interested in spending part of their Coachella experience with 2 fun-loving girls. Interested parties should be ready to embark on the adventure as Coachella partners-in-crime and stand-in Coachella Boyfriends. Said girls have gone to Coachella several times and will be going again with a larger group of friends so applicants should play nice with others.

General personality and character should be represented by approximately 30% bro (don’t lie, there is a little of it in all of you — just admit it to yourself and save us the time), 7.5% hipster/indie, 12.5% raver and 50% normal.

Coachella Boyfriends should be interested (but not limited to) seeing some of the following acts: Outkast, Adventure Club, Zedd, Fatboy Slim, Big Gigantic, Kid Cudi, Calvin Harris, Elli Goulding [sic], Gareth Emery, Alesso, Lorde, Duck Sauce, Showtek.

Absolutely no applicants with an affinity for AFI (aka whiney ass bitch music).

Dude, that’s all you. And once you make the scene with your two new best gal pals (and whoever that other awesome guy turns out to be), 3,000 or so performers will serenade you by generating enough noise to drown out the three million or so purveyors of tie-dye and harsh vibes surrounding you from all sides. Those numbers may be exaggerated, but it sure won’t feel like it. Still, what will it matter—you’ll have a Craigslist-acquired Coachella girlfriend!

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