Swiss Cheese Pervert Rides Again

We’re not sure why this didn’t make the national news, but Philadelphia has found a fourth victim of the Swiss Cheese Pervert–a man who is so kinky and bold about his sexual fetish that even the COED staff can get away with calling him a pervert. At least the local press raced to inform the citizenry that 41-year-old Christopher Pagano was back in the courthouse to face new charges of exposing himself while waving around some swiss cheese and seeking a sex partner.
It looks like Pagano was really into a groove, too, since these latest allegations landed the guy yet another matching set of criminal counts involving indecent exposure, stalking, harassment and open lewdness. Pagano was already out on bail, and turned himself into authorities (probably while emitting a big sigh) to get yet another additional court date.
In his defense, we’ll note that Pagano’s latest alleged victim seems to have come forward with an old story, so it’s not like the guy’s running around without having learned a lesson. We were going to make a joke about how the latest victim shouldn’t have piled on with charges for the poor guy, but it’s not really our place to judge how a woman is supposed to feel when approached with an improper sexual solicitation that involves Swiss Cheese.
Actually, it’s not our place to judge how a woman is supposed to feel when approached with any kind of improper sexual solicitation. We’re all liberated like that. Pagano–if he is indeed the notorious Swiss Cheese Pervert–could use some good old-fashioned sexual repression. Or at least the phone numbers of a few sex workers who’d charge him less than the cost of his attorney fees.

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