Police Dragnet Goes After St. Patrick's Day Daylight Lovers

Police in Delaware are searching for a couple who got very, very lucky on St. Patrick’s Day–and we’re very disappointed to report that the University of Delaware is helping in the man(and woman) hunt. Yes, that link actually leads to an article in the college newspaper trying to help  identify two suspects who allegedly engaged in a “lewd act” in public–i.e. this bro was giving it to his girl next to a dumpster.
Luck of the Irish! The incident happened Saturday afternoon in broad daylight, but we’re still blaming St. Patrick’s Day. That’s partly because the police say they were in “plain view of numerous passers-by.” From the look of it, this is true–but at least they tried to go behind the dumpster! Suspect 1 is clearly a male with brown hair, and Suspect 2 is a white female with blonde hair. The general consensus seems to be that both of them are students at University of Delaware. So, again, we’re really upset that the paper is helping to rat out the liberated couple.
The cops seem to really be taking this incident very seriously. Really, Newark police? This is what you’re going to spend your time and energy on? It was St. Patrick’s Day weekend! If you weren’t having drunken sex in public (while wearing green), you were clearly doing the holiday all wrong. We’re guessing that the cops are just a little jealous that their holiday wasn’t as “lucky.” And don’t give us a hard time for publicizing the couple’s pics, either. We’re doing it in the proper spirit of hearty congratulations.

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