World's Dumbest Robber Takes Three Tries to Get It Right

A robber in Florida took a while to get the hang of this whole “holding up a business at gunpoint” thing–and finally managed to kind of get it right before his inevitable arrest. Joshua Davis Hess of Fort. Myers, Florida is facing some serious robbery charges after trying to knock off three business back to back last month. That’s a count of three robberies where he botched each robbery attempt.
Hess’ first robbery pretty much set the tone for the entire string of robberies. He held up a Dollar General store. That’s right, he started his crime spree by robbing a store where it’s not easy to find any merchandise that costs over $6. He could have gotten more money out of a kid’s lemonade stand. Florida’s criminal community doesn’t have a very high bar for loot–as evidenced by this attempt and a Boca Raton man who swiped a credit card and rang up a grand total of $3 on it.
Anyway, Hess didn’t get away with any money because he panicked after handing the Dollar General cashier a note. The guy decided to state that the whole thing was just a big joke, and then fled the scene. His second attempt wasn’t much of an improvement. He tried to rob a place that actually had the chance of having some money, but the cashier said she needed help from a manager to open the cash register. Hess chickened out again, told the cashier that it was all just a prank and fled the scene.
The third time, Hess walked into a sex toy shop and handed the cashier a note–but the cashier just laughed at him. Hess, however, refused to leave and eventually convinced the cashier it was a legitimate robbery. The sap even managed to flee the scene with $163 in his pockets. That meant that the cops could actually charge him with robbery when they quickly caught up with him via surveillance videos and some anonymous tips. So remember that crime doesn’t pay. Especially when you’re able to finally get some cash.

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